I do not listen?

“I do not listen”
That is a lie
I listen all the time
I hear things you say,
You say I’m a worthless,
Mean,
jerk,
That shouldn’t have been given life
You say if I was never born
Your life would be easier
I tell myself you’re just angry,
You don’t actually mean that.
I’m starting to think otherwise
Have you ever heard
“Actions speak louder than words?”
The people I care about,
That I would take a bullet for,
Use their actions to talk to me.
They say
I’m not worth their time
I’m not important
I’m just an extra,
Someone that isn’t needed
I have acquaintances
Not friends
And yes
I would take a bullet for them
But they would be the ones shooting
They’re not the only ones
And neither are you
I do this to myself too
I have self doubt
And everything that is said
Are like knives stabbing my heart
I’ve learned to shut myself down
To look like I’m not listening
But I am
I hear it loud and clear
I am always listening
And it’s killing me
I am always listening