lost-but-not-broken17

My story (warning it’s long)

It all started at the age of 2
I was just a little baby and didn’t have a clue
I grew up thinking everything was normal and happy
Never knew at 11 years old my life would flip into the biggest tragedy
You’re the step child I was told
I felt like my whole life was a lie very well sold
In front of them I took the news well,
Didn’t wanna hurt my step moms feelings but my whole world just kinda fell.
At the age of 12 I found my Biological mother on Facebook
Emotions raged me but I had the opportunity and I took it.
Asked her the normal questions; why this, how that, why didn’t she want me the usual crap.
She explained as much to me as she could so I could understand
Loosing me was never in her plan.
She stated that she had messed up and her life was in a rut.
I could not bring myself to hate this women,
no matter how much I was told too I couldn’t.
I was caught red handed talking to my biological mother
And the things my step mom said would make you shudder.
“Fuck you!” She screamed and her eyes full of hate she had felt so betrayed
My father joined in with her, “how can you do this to your mom?”
I could see the rage and fire in his eyes
But he was just protecting the feelings of his wife.
I felt so ashamed of trying to find out where I came from and who I was.
From that day forward she no longer had her unconditional love.
We tried to get over it and be okay
But nothing was ever the same...
My step mother became very cruel and heartless
We would be okay for a few days but she still had her wall up regardless.
The verbal abuse started around 13 but it wasn’t too bad
She just brought up me talking to my biological mother and how it hurt her and made her sad.
Then I started to date this boy and she was tearing him down in front of me.
Telling me what he will never be.
I told her to stop and boom she laid her hand on my face.
Not out of discipline but outta pure hate.
I was in shock she had never struck me before
But from then on out the words got worse calling me everything from a mistake to a whore.
I started taking the blade to my skin more and more..
I was diagnosed with an illness at the age of 15 and then everything changed
She was nice again felt like we started over a new beginning.
But as the illness went on, she no longer felt sorry for me.
And back her old self she became plain to see.
She would yell at me for sleeping too much in the hospital room.
Or yell at me because I’m being babied too much by the nurses who was doing what they was supposed to do.
Some days she made me feel bad for being ill
And then she got to where she wouldn’t give me my pain pills.
But would give them to her sons just because they asked for them.
I was put into remission and then got to go back to school.
But I was in such a bad state of depression
I didn’t care enough to get done what I needed too.
I was scared to go home because I didn’t know what mood she would be in
I always got the worst part of it.
Things got to where my dad would join in just to shut her up.
Both of them yelling and screaming for absolutely no reason.
I became the kid no body wanted.
The sneak, the lier, she’s not to be trusted
I ran away 5 times, had 5 suicide attempts, and 2 youth shelter trips between the ages of 16 and 17 all because of the hate spread through that house.
I was never allowed to be a teenager or have a lot of friends.
My phone was basically her phone, she would even sometimes pretend to be me just so she could be nosey.
I got to where the only way I could have privacy ,
is with secret phones I’d get from others.
Because others knew how bad of a state I was in and how I just needed some friends.
At the age of 17 I walked out for my very last time and ran off with this boy I barley knew.
He had experienced some of the awful things I went through.
He took me in and we became one.
And while I thought I was on the run.
My step mom convinced my dad to just let me go.
I was gone for 6 months with no contact with my step mother and father and they did not try to contact me.
And then I gave in like I always did and told them I missed them.
I mainly missed my dad...
they let me and him come over and everything was going good nothing bad.
Until they decided they didn’t like who I was with, well my step mom didn’t
So boom I was shunned again.
I came back once more because me and him didn’t work out..
But the whole time I was there she threw a fit
Telling me how I was just going to hurt her again.
I tired to get along with her but she found everything to criticize me about.
I knew where my heart belonged and it was with the one they didn’t like.
I moved out and they found out
And there I am shunned for the last time.
And here I am 5 months later nothing from them but hate.
I’ve already accepted fate
And it’s not with them.
I am happier then I’ve ever been.
I have a baby on the way and my life is finally becoming okay.
No more toxicness, no more meanness, just no more hatred.
And the person they shunned me for isn’t even in picture anymore
They want nothing to do with me or baby still
All because of who the babies daddy is
But I’m not shutting him out of this babies life
Because unlike them I’m going to be a civil parent.
Depression is gone and I’m getting everything together.
And I can say I did this without them, I’m getting better.
I’m going to be the best mother for this little miracle and there’s nothing they can do or say to take this away from me.

Comments1

  • FredPeyer

    Quite a story! I do hope that all the worst part of your life is over now and that you can look forward to a much better future. Not an easy one, but a better one.



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