Been walking through a desert, I’m thirsty, things are hazy

I want to paint, but depression has taken the blueprints from my mind.

I pick up the brush, but the paint just dries.

I want to paint but I’ll paint with words instead.

In my mind, I feel this deep, deep sadness.

I’m not sure ‘xactly how to define it,

but it’s got blue and purple hues

...and bits of pink for when life’s at ease.

These fine line phases

bring depth to my scars,

they phase me.

Love haunts me

*Been walking through a desert, I’m thirsty, things are hazy.*

Fuck this

I remember things from my past and they fucking hurt me.

I try and forget, for what we had is gone, but our minds are tricky as fuck.

One moment you’re fine and the next you remember what THAT certain hug felt like and I swear every time I get that feeling, or one like it…

I think “Oh! I fucking want to kill myself!”,

because I know the thoughts that come soon after.

About regret.

About self-hate.

I hate myself for everything I did.

I love myself, and love my life, but I remember and I want to die.

I do.

I really do.

And I can’t stop dreaming of you.

And I can’t stop thinking of you.

I hate myself so bad because I will never get that feeling again, Not with the person I want.