yellowrose

tired of it all

in pain again, what a surprise 

tired, tired of feeling emotionally bruised

tired of hurting in a life 

which is mine to live 

tired of trying 

to still have to deal with pain 

tired of looking down at my hands 

now typing on the computer 

appearing apart from me  

my hands? they seem seperate and apart 

from my mind 

tired of this dissociation 

a mental illness 

which i never asked for 

a mental illness 

which was caused by other people 

and by the universe 

tired of hurting 

because of a mean and inconsiderate 

selfish little world 

tired of feeling 

that which i never asked to feel 

tired of living a lie of a life 

it should have been different 

my mind , right now 

feels like a floating puddle of tears 

lonely and sad inside 

hurting when i never asked to hurt 

dealing with pain 

which should never have been a part of my life 

is this living 

a never-ending train of problems 

is this living 

missing out 

living an empty lie 

getting out of bed every day 

nothing to look forward to 

no friends to spend time with 

a twin sister who is often upset too 

is this life 

a lie 

a test 

an exam 

a mean twisted joke 

nobody is laughing here 

but i sometimes feel like 

life is taking the 

you know what out of me 

maybe it thinks all this pain is funny 

maybe im supposed to be amused 

well i 'm not 

to get this amount of pain in life 

is unacceptable 

its cruel 

i never asked for it 

not even once 

so i shouldn't have to deal with it 

all i want is a normal life 

why am i always asking for 

something which isn't mine to own 

why can;t i be like other people 

why do i have to hurt 

why do i have to miss out 

why do i have to feel a hole within myself 

why do i have to feel like an unloved kid 

when i am 32

why do i have to be mentally ill 

when everybody else in my family 

is well 

and happy 

and i am the one out of them 

all , who is hurting this much 

is this fair , no 

no , so why has it happened to me 

people tell me im nice 

that i deserve things 

but being nice in this world 

doesn;t mean you will get what you deserve 

sadly , being nice doesn't mean you win 

it quite often means  you cry 

 

 

 

Comments4

  • Jamie

    Hope things get better Charlotte.

    • yellowrose

      hi jamie , thanks :-)

    • LAWLESS

      A brutal heartfelt read. There are no words that I can give you to make it better. Life can be extremely hard. Just remember that we are here for you. This is your finest poem I have read so far.

      • LAWLESS

        Maybe a few words hopefully.

        • yellowrose

          Hi lawless, thanks for your kind words.

        • FredPeyer

          While I cannot even imagine how you must feel on a daily basis, your poems, especially the brickwall and today's poem, show me that even though you are hurting, you will get better. And like Lawless and Kat already said, we on MPS are here not only to read your poems, but to stand by you in your fight.
          Your writing is good!

          • yellowrose

            hi fredpeyer , i have my better days , i have my better moments, i am doing therapy i guess it is just a process, i am atleast grateful for those times where im not hurting so much or my mental health symptoms are not so bad . thankyou for your kind words and support, it is very much appreicated! :-) thanks!

          • Lorna

            We're here and we'll listen! And you chose yourself a lovely name to represent your healing self.....

            • yellowrose

              hi lorna, thank for reading and for your kindness x



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