A single word
Struggling to contain the vast shifting array of emotions breathing and bursting at that word's seams
Struggling to hold the waves of frustration and moments of loss and being lost from that dream
Struggling to grasp the hope overflowing alongside despair and the persistence based on nothing but a word, a single word
The word too easy to say and difficult to follow, often slathered in dirt and grime until even less than an inch can still shine through
That word
A single word
There to define the limits
Of me and you
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Author:
poetboy123 (
Offline) - Published: February 27th, 2018 18:24
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 16
Offline)
Comments1
its good to see young writers striving to hone their craft. I love the thought behind this poem they show your potentials but now (since this is a writing sight) I would like to give some constructive criticisms...
Poetry is the best words in their best place. so I would say try to condense your words looking for the best word every time for example the first verse could read
A single word
struggling to contain
vast shifting arrays of emotion's breath...bursting the words' seams
Struggles to hold
waves of frustration, moments of loss---and so on. By removing a lot of the articles words like (the)
just a little advice from an old man.
This is useful advice, yes the repetition of article words really drag the poem along. Though I used the rather long lines to almost parallel the concept of it being impossible to contain, and I intended for them to move quickly and smoothly but as you stated the article words held them back quite a bit. Overall, thank you for this criticism and I shall be sure to put it to use!
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