An Unrepentant Spitball Marksman

the upshot constituted a figurative straw

that broke the virtual camels back
where yours truly fingered as scape goat,

who meekly, passively, and subserviently

felt the stinging crack

of wooden, smooth,

and oblong paddle and stands pat,

asper innocence, though now

(myself more than two score years

orbitz around sun) remains more defiant

for purportedly causing Roberta -

not her real name flack

and clears that blot (now a composite

of petrified spitballs) as a hack
writer of poetry, feels jilted like Jack

donning many major protagonistic ruffian knack

nursery rhyme roles, which fables never didst lack
for upstart precocious, kickstarters impish grin,

as if he just wolfed down a swiped Bic Mac

and goose that laid more than one golden egg
McMuffin running from the Giant,

with spindle shank for each leg,
and sliding down the beanstalk, which didst peg

world wide web Marathon record

suddenly the envy of Queequeg,

which way word ness

far off course from the theme of this work,
hence hold tight

to hazmat bag of poop pin jay dreck,

while poetic license allows me to twerk

intended story aye (captain...

oh captain) moost not shirk,
lemme reel yar attention

back to the classroom of missus Labosh,

hood didst whistle and perk

unbeknownst to me, my scrawny derriere

unaware what quaint, hence danger didst lurk

for letting passivity

find me singled out as the bona fide jerk

wishing Moby Dick could swallow

hook, line and sinker
with a slight even Steven crane
of his neck, every mother plucking bird brain classmate

deemed Scott free, and Chutzpah didst gain

while this smart ass wannabe took a crash course,

sans weltanschauung "Artful Dodging
Spitball Shooting Maven" in the main

quite heavy on Physics and Trigonometry as became plane.