Where is He?

Filled with pain I try to stay,
Untouched and unloved I remain
Calm as much as I can.
Keeping me down, He laughs in my face.

And why do I deserve this?
Believing in Him all my life.
Being beaten physically and verbally.
Yet I have kept up hope for so long.

Has He enjoyed doing this?
Am I just here for His amusement?
Really I doubt He exists at all.
Didn't I try hard to be great?

Feeling my way through life, heart on sleeve.
And this is how I live!
Give me something! I'm in pain.