“Antipathy of Abandonment”

I have been desolate like the dock at dawn.
You shall never know of my torment
The ghostly convolution in my head,
I will never be as well as another,

Now more distant than ever,
Neither ship nor upsurge can I ever survive,
Again more distant than ever,
Further than ever before have I been,
  
She has shown no regret for the infliction,
In the melancholy that’s thrust upon me,
As the black cruor drips within my heart,
Crevasse of detritus as I tried to swim to shore,

As the sea mingles its ornery abhor,
With each passing surge I await you,
In calm rivers hope to find thee before me,
Without in the end your being,

Of you coming suddenly would be exhilarating?
To know my life wildfire of roseate days,
Swishing brine of the ocean sedates to sand,
As my breath is unobtrusive to antipathy of abandonment,
By AG 03/2018 CR