Why I Do It?

Why oh Lord?
Why did I choose this life.
It is much better,
then my the life I once lived,
and yet I feel sometimes,
as if I were much better off before.
When I was once selfish,
at the very least,
people understood why.
Now that I give,
I hear people say,
'Thank you.
We do not appreciate it'.
Why did I choose this life?
Why did you choose me?
At least in my past,
I had friends.
Now where are they?
Where are my friends?
My friends
My friends
They left me.
My friends
I admit I have the respect of others.
Still, what can I do with respect?
They say, "Not many are like him,
He deserves our respect".
Yet tell me Oh Lord.
Has any of those helped me,
in my time of need?
Why do I live righteously?
I spread the gospel,
and instead of people,
accepting you,
hard hearted people mock me.
They do not take me serious.
Some even laugh at me.
Why may I not have,
a reward on this earth oh Lord?
When will people,
no longer look down on me?
As I think, I wonder,
'Perhaps it is my fault'.
I should have known,
the reality of what,
serving you would be like.
Now I know what it means,
to pick up my cross.
Yet sometimes I forget,
why I live the Christian faith.

My friends once here are gone from me. My friends once here are gone indeed. No one left for me. Where did I go wrong? I don't fight it any longer. There's no use to anymore. I just let things pass. My life has already walked out the door. The spirit I once had, has left me long ago.

I know Your Word
And I know what’s in my head
But I need it moved into my heart
To ease the questions that fill me with dread
The silent lonliness is so loud
All I need is to drown myself out
So your still small voice can coax me again
Saying; let go of all of this anguish my friend
You fret over people when you feel down
However beloved I AM always around
They don’t hear your words
and they laugh at your ways
But because of your patient endurance
Your persistent love for Me
I can bless you in ways that you may not perceive
Be encouraged my love
Your not unseen
This life runs on chronos
But let your ears hear
My plans are kairos
So do not forget to persevere!