On Growing Older

When I grow old I'll wear just what I want,
be it white satin trousers or spurs.
I'll be a curmudgeon, I'll rave and I'll rant
I'll get drunk and I'll slag off the nurse,

Even though she's a really nice lass I'll be shit,
I'll swear and I'll cuss and be rude,
and I'll fart in the bed and wear pants that don't fit
And I'll walk to the shower in the nude.

I'll scavenge the shops for all the cheap buys
and I'll eat me tea when I like
I'll only eat cream cakes and Ice-cream and buns
and I'll ride on the path on me bike

I'll collect saucy postcards and unsuitable books
and I'll ogle the lissom young women
and I won't mind if their boyfriends give me dirty looks
and I won't wear me togs when I'm swimmin'

But till then I'll be smart, well dressed and polite
and I'll shower and shave and smell sweet.
and I'll smile and inquire after everyone's health
when I meet them out in the street

I'll have modest opinions and be respectful of yours.
I'll be cool but I'll never be cold.
And I'll stay just like this till the day that I die,
'cos I'm simply not going to grow old.