Avarice

Elias


  I am of slightly more than average intelligence.
My body holds no candle to that of an hourglass and my face is not symmetrical.
My eyes are not vibrant. My smile is crooked and an eyelid seems to droop.
I struggle to communicate. I talk too fast.
My thoughts aren't tangible enough to properly relay.
My feelings come off futile and insincere.
My words are rushed out before my mind can comprehend them.
My bangs seem to fall awkwardly on the side of my face and l am, in full capacity, wholly unattractive.
I am by no means worthy of someone like you.

But when you say my name, all of that goes away. When you look at me and say something– anything– I feel as if perhaps you aren't looking AT me, but INTO me. Your casual jokes and incessant teasing ignite a spark in my heart that only hints at the flame I've always longed for. Your smile and giddy laugh, the way your face turns red when you're happy, and even the slender, boney outline of your fingers are parts of you that bring me joy.
I hope you will believe me when I say that being acknowledged as your friend gives me so much happiness, no matter if the desires of my heart are to remain unanswered. Just being a steady fixture in your life, someone you greet every day and make sly remarks to about the math lecture, warms my heart to the point of utmost contentedness.
Nevertheless, E. I wish you to understand that, while I am unattractive, while my personality is almost too much to handle, while I have emotional damage to spare, I am absolutely certain that I am good and pure. I can say with a treasured feeling of content in my heart that I can love you and, hopefully provide you with every reason to love me.
But I won't ask for that. In the end, I really don't deserve to. Because I am but a silly little girl with silly feelings and an unappealing exterior. I am wild and loud and often too much to stomach. I have no business feeling such warm feelings for a boy with such a wonderful countenance and demeanor.
And I have no right to refute your desire of probably the most beautiful girl in the world. She is everything I will never be, and you, my sweet E, deserve that much.

Comments2

  • Honey Silk

    It's beautiful in every sense of the word.

  • onepauly

    sad, still nicely written.



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