The Monster That Waits Within

I want to write how she makes me feel so bad...  

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Not to get it out or to feel better, but to hope that my words can somehow turn back time and give me another chance to show her who I really am.  

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But every time after I finish typing it out and I reread it, I can't help but feel like the biggest fool because part of me still believes in love and all that fairytale bullshit where a certain woman could turn the beast, a monster like me, back into a man and live happily ever after.  

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Spending endless nights staring up at the ceiling, thinking that maybe I'm just meant to stay alone and stuck as the monster in my story, I can't help but wonder where would I be if I realized such dark news when I was younger.