With Hope at Least

You noticed my hair cut.
An entire day among my peers with something new to show and not a word said about it. Not even an acknowledgement.
But you. The moment I walked in and you saw me.
“Hey, you got a hair cut! It looks nice.”
The simplest of compliments. Plain enough to keep me from thinking too in-depth about it but odd enough to keep my wondering.
Only you notice these things in me. The slightest of changes and you’re there to point it out and reassure me.
You are he kindest, friendliest person I believe I have ever known.
But it’s that friendliness that tears my heart apart at the seams. Because you are friendly to everyone, men and women alike.
And you are more than friendly with her.
Her, that beautifully intoxicating colossus that holds the key to your heart.
And yet today, I still allowed myself to believe that your kindness was mine. That your heart, those caramel eyes, and even the strength of your hands belonged to me.
And I was okay with that. I was okay with indulging myself, if only for today.
Because you didn’t just notice my hair cut. No, it wasn’t that simple at all.
You and I sat against a wall, in our own little corner. Our conversation was personal, as if we were surrounded by a wall that kept the world out of us. Kept it away from us.
I asked you about your dreams. Those dreams I wish I could lay claim to and have the right to encourage. You rove on and on about your video games and plot lines and dilemmas in life.
And I sat right there, nodding and smiling like an idiot because I was just happy to be near you like that. To be a part of you in a new way I didn’t think I’d get to.
And yet I couldn’t seem to say the right things. I couldn’t for a moment get out of my mouth the things I wanted to say. Instead, foreign words tumbled out of my mouth in phrases that my mind couldn’t seem to comprehend. The sentences spilled from my lips like the vilest of vomit. Nothing I said got across the way I’d intended. Nothing reached you.
In the end, when you and I parted, I was still just happy you noticed my hair cut.