Protection

I’ve always thought i had a great life. I had a house, a family, a good life. A father who loved me even though at times he didn't show it. A hard working mother. Sisters who were always there for me. But it never felt real. I felt like they were hiding something from me. Turns out I was right but they weren’t hiding me they were trying to protect me. Everyone protecting me from the other. My father protecting me from seeing that his so called love for me was fading. My mother protecting me from ever need things. My sister, well they tried to protect me from the yelling, from the soon to be divorced parents. But they can’t protect me forever…

From love. Thing I hoped for the most. The desire for this thing kept me alive. But also it’s the thing that cause me the most pain. The thing that killed me and hasn’t stopped. This thing makes me feel hopeful but also ashamed. We as human being would do anything to feel this. We are willing to be abuse for this, to hurt for this, to kill for this. To feel this overflow our body. But once it’s gone were empty. It’s weird we want to feel loved, to love someone. But once we gain the opportunity to feel it, we run. We hide, as if were rats fleeing from the bright lights of a room. But why?If we long for it some much if we be willing to do anything for it, why do we hide, why do we run? Maybe we run because we're scared. We scared that once we feel this real love it’ll leave us. And never come back. We scared to experience real love because our sight overlooks it from some thing we count as better. Superficial love. But why? Why is superficial love more desirable than real love?  Why do we think that this called love is better? Why are we okay with hurting each other for this thing that's not even real? But what do i know i’ve never been loved.

From tears. Tears in my life i thought there was only the happy kind. THe kind you get after a birth, after a graduation, after a proposal. But at some point we have to open our eyes to the truth. That tear aren’t always happy.