Dear Dad

Dad
I’m just wondering how you are
You should know that It’s different here
Now that you’ve gone away so far
The morning coffee doesn’t have the same smell
When I have good news
There is no one to tell
I miss your cheerful smile
And your comforting words
It feels like it’s been forever, but it has only been a little while
Some things that I have noticed
Are that the birds seem to chirp louder on the mornings that I don’t want to open my eyes
And the sun seems to shine brighter in my window
When I’m hurting and full of cries
You should know that I know it’s you
Telling me to get out of bed
Telling me I will be okay
That only good things lie ahead
When I’m cold
I feel your warmth and arms around me
I could never forget your hold
You always made me feel so strong, so comforted and so bold
I wish you could tell me how you felt in your last few moments here
Were you scared, were you confused, did you cry one last tear?
Or did you feel as safe as you made me feel
Did you know what was happening, and why?
If angels are real, are you really in the sky, and with the wings god is supposed to give you, can you now fly?
Is everything the same as we all like to believe
Or is there a different truth that we just have to wait until we die to recieve?
Now you know that I feel your love even though you’re gone
But can you still feel mine?
Do you know how many times I listen to your voicemails, do you know my favorite one?
Do you know that I drink coffee every day now
Only because you used too in the early morning sun?
Do you know that I listen to Pink Floyd on repeat,
Because it was your favorite band, and each beat makes me feel closer to your own heartbeat
Do you know how different the air is, how different the grass smells, how different the phone rings, how different, everything is different
How I used to feel happy when I saw others laughing with their fathers
But now I feel angry and jealous, because they have something I have no longer.
My only wishes are that you are happy, free of any and all pain, and that you see how hard I’m trying to make you proud.
I will continue to look up at the sky, and know that it is you behind that one special cloud
The one that always stands out more than any other
And I hope you feel all the love from everyone, especially me, my mother, and my brother.