Bittersweet

I’ve had this feeling for a long time now.
Like a knot in my stomach.
A pain that will never go away.

I watch as you socialize with friends.
Them smiling.
You smiling back.

What is this feeling?
It is not jealousy for it is what I want.
It is not joy either, as I feel a pain in my heart.

You care for me.
Like we were meant to be.
However, care is not what I want from thee.

As it invokes confusion.
As the feeling is like a warm embrace.
But also feeling like a torrent of hate.

Such a beautiful emotion should not spent on me.
As it is wasted on little selfish me.

The voices scream within my head.
Telling me that I should be dead.

You stand with me.
Cheer for me.
Embrace me.
Comfort me.
Support me.
Soothe me.
Talk to me.
Guide me.
Help me.
Try to save me.

Delete me.

I’ve had this feeling for a long time now.
That feeling…

Is Bittersweet