I stagger over to the pile of lifeless bodies in Laval France.
I see my brothers tired worn out face, like a toy he once played with when he was young,
The toy he got bored with
the toy he broke and gave to the less fortunate
the toy that went out of fashion and quickly had to be replaced to keep his reputation,
the muddy toy that wound me up.
The toy I called my brother
the toys the government took for granted like little spoilt boys at Christmas, deciding which toy to play with first and which to to save till later.
My not so little brother Edward I could no longer fix.
he had no replacement parts left,
His time had gone
My brother has gone
RIP Edward Harold Brittan 1895-1918
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Author:
Emily (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: June 5th, 2018 09:32
- Comment from author about the poem: I recently watched a film on netflix called the testament of youth, She falls in love with her soon to be fiance, Roland Leighton, who sadly dies in the battlefield. She begs her father to let her 18 year old brother Edward Brittain go to war; she became a war medic to protect him and he unfortunately died. I took it upon myself to write my perspective through vera's eyes I hope you enjoy, if you wish click the youtube link to learn more about her or watch the film on netflix!
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 39
Offline)
Comments4
A fine birthday write I see! Best wishes!
Thank you for taking the time to comment!
Wow that took a turn, good flow though. Sad story behind it. Beautiful write, sure to pass the exams with that!
Thank you very much it means a lot!
Wonderful! You have captured the two things I always look for—a strong beginning and end.
The way you layer the middle stanzas is masterful.
Thanks for inviting me to read. I'm glad I did.
Kurt
No thank you for taking the time to read it,
i really appreciate your view and im glad its how you like it!
Emily
To try to say a bit more, as well as 'fine/good write, etc, here are a couple of things - not that I am professional!
* Good use of repeat words without over-doing the repetition, of 'toy', 'gone', etc.
* A good metaphor of 'toys', used literally, and then personified as a person.
* Explains how people can use others as toys or 'things', or as if people are just 'numbers' or 'labels'.
Thank you for taking the time to comment and such helpful/kind words I will take your tips and attempt to portray them in my next working poem!
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