15EHilton

Toy Soldier



I stagger over to the pile of lifeless bodies in Laval France.

I see my brothers tired worn out face, like a toy he once played with when he was young,

 

The toy he got bored with

the toy he broke and gave to the less fortunate

the toy that went out of fashion and quickly had to be replaced to keep his reputation,

the muddy toy that wound me up.

 

The toy I called my brother

the toys the government took for granted like little spoilt boys at Christmas, deciding which toy to play with first and which to to save till later.

 

My not so little brother Edward I could no longer fix.

he had no replacement parts left,

His time had gone

My brother has gone

 

RIP Edward Harold Brittan 1895-1918

Comments5

  • orchidee

    A fine birthday write I see! Best wishes!

    • 15EHilton

      Thank you for taking the time to comment!

    • blank_voice

      Wow that took a turn, good flow though. Sad story behind it. Beautiful write, sure to pass the exams with that!

      • 15EHilton

        Thank you very much it means a lot!

      • Kurt Philip Behm

        Wonderful! You have captured the two things I always look for—a strong beginning and end.
        The way you layer the middle stanzas is masterful.

        Thanks for inviting me to read. I'm glad I did.

        Kurt

        • 15EHilton

          No thank you for taking the time to read it,
          i really appreciate your view and im glad its how you like it!
          Emily

        • orchidee

          To try to say a bit more, as well as 'fine/good write, etc, here are a couple of things - not that I am professional!
          * Good use of repeat words without over-doing the repetition, of 'toy', 'gone', etc.
          * A good metaphor of 'toys', used literally, and then personified as a person.
          * Explains how people can use others as toys or 'things', or as if people are just 'numbers' or 'labels'.

          • 15EHilton

            Thank you for taking the time to comment and such helpful/kind words I will take your tips and attempt to portray them in my next working poem!

          • Candlewitch

            hello,

            in this poem, the comparison of the toy soldier, once shiny and new, to a young man's life, is so deeply profound. then sullied by the ugliness of battle, and the innocence forever lost....very well told, nicely done!

            *hugs, Cat

            • 15EHilton

              i really appreciate you kind words thank you!



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