I tried letting down my guard
Allowing in those I thought I knew
But when the pressure finally reached maximum
You turned away to run
I tried taking down my shield
Allowing those in I thought were true
But when the fall reached terminal velocity
You were nowhere to be seen
With each door that closes
Another should open wide
Yet all I hear
Is the lock & bolt firmly slide
Shut
With each door that closes
Another should open wide
Yet all I hear
Is the dead-lock twist from inside
Shut
So I wander alone behind this mask
Not letting anybody in at all
Now when the pressure finally reaches maximum
I stand alone to fight, no thoughts to run
So I walk alone within the shadow
Not letting anybody to get in close
When my fall reaches terminal velocity
I stand shoulder to shoulder…
…with nobody
© 2018 Unsub
Offline)
Comments12
Wonderful write, at terminal velocity you will reach infinity and at infinity thr Spirit will take you to eternity.
Goldfinch,
being a solitary creature, I'm quite at home standing shoulder to shoulder with nobody, he is probably my greatest friend.
Thank you for the comment although the only spirit I know of is called JD.
Unsub
Unsub,
First of all, welcome to MPS!
Secondly, as I read your poem,
your style of writing reminded me a bit of another poet who is no longer on this site! So sorry he left. I enjoyed his work very much. He was the real deal! Sometimes brutally honest...but NEVER to offend!
~Laura~
Laura,
well thanks for mentioning an ex-member and welcoming me to MPS.
What i really wanted to hear was what you thought about the poem and what needs changing to improve it,
thanks,
Unsub
My comments will be coming! I was interrupted from finishing my comments! Sorry about that!
1 more comment
Ugh... This got me. the last line .
"I stand shoulder to shoulder…
…with nobody"
it pushed a tear to my cheek.
You have such power in your writing style.
HH,
I very much appreciate your comment and view of this piece.
Many thanks to you
Unsub
Am I supposed to translate this?
into any language you prefer.
Unsub
This reminds me of one of my favorite phrases: I've had to fight like hell, and fighting like hell has made me what I am. I think this is probably only relatable to the ones that have truly been alone. TRULY ALONE. To you I say this: At least you still stand and fight. Stand proud and show them all you don't need that kind of person in your life. Sheer tenacity will bring you through. Even if you have to do it alone. Especially if you have to do it alone.
SLR,
you seem to have grasped the meaning of my life from these words.
Much appreciated,
Unsub
THIS IS REALLY POWERFUL.I HAVE FELT THIS WAY.MAYBE GON CANNOT UNDERSTAND THIS BECAUSE HE HAS NEVER BEEN THERE.THERE IS NOTHING TO TRANSLATE,YOUR WORDS ARE LOUD AND CLEAR.THEY SPEAK VOLUMES ABOUT HOW STRONG YOU ARE FOR PUSHING THROUGH.I KNOW YOU ARE NOT A GOD PERSON,BUT I GET THE FEELING THAT HE HAS TOUCHED YOU MORE THAN YOU REALIZE.
Frogspoetry,
I thought the theme and description were simple enough but like you said maybe you have to have been there to understand it fully. Everyone has their opinion, that's fine with me.
I won't discuss your final sentence as I take no interest in that view and it has nothing to do with my poem here.
Really thankful to you for reading and commenting,
Unsub
dear Unsub,
between the two of us, we have kept "Nobody" really busy! he has been my companion on many a rough road! I am proud of the scars that attest to my lone Journey. and in the end they will say "she stood her ground and went down fighting!"
*hugs, Cat
p.s.
love the Guy Fawkes avatar!
Sis,
I knew this one would speak to you; nobody has his uses!
Thanks for the comment,
Unsub
My dear Unsub,
So you wanted to hear what I thought about your poem and what you can change to improve it!
Perfection needs no improvement!
With that being said, I would like to share some of My thoughts about your poem.
One thing I wish for is to break that lock on those chains and share my shoulder with another...when needed!
Letting down one’s guard and/or taking down one’s shield is dangerous. We allow people in thinking they’ll support us no matter what. But then when push comes to shove, they push and shove us as hard as they can and then they disappear! All those doors we think are open, are really bolted shut!
People walk in and out of our lives all the time. Most are meaningless. When the meaningful ones leave us, they are the ones that hurt the most and leave scars!
All these delusions prompt us not to have much trust. So we have to trust ourselves and our instincts! To “stand alone to fight” is a lonely but courageous feat.
At “terminal velocity” you’ll reach your destination to wherever you want it to be! Ultimately...YOU are the master of your destiny!
I appreciate being given this opportunity to share my thoughts! I’ve missed it! Looking forward to future shares!
As always...
~Laura~
Laura,
I must thank you very much for the deep thought you've put into this piece.
You are always welcome; free from judgement to say whatever you think about my work.
I respect your opinions evenm if at times I don't agree.
Thanks,
Unsub
You’re an honest and honorable man! So happy to share with you once again!
hello there Unsub glad to meet you to be honest the font throws me of a tad while trying to read your words I see others have no trouble so its my fault not your lol, I heard your quite the poet and happy to get the chance to know you better regards ,,,zigs
Zigs,
have changed the font on all my postings in hope it solves any issues for readers. Let me know if it reads better.
Quite the poet? Well I've been in good company Bro.
Unsub
they read perfect well they did it was just me and maybe one other who had trouble such a great piece to read its quite seamless perfectly crafted ,,,,zigs
Unsub I rather like that name tag its cool, hard to not understand the font now lol, I guess what your saying here is we all have to depend on our selves when the shit hits the fan standing shoulder with your self which I have been doing in life for quite a long time lol, hard to believe so many people feel so alone with over 7 billion people on this planet something must be seriously wrong with humanity regards ,,,,,,,,,zigs
its what happens.. and when it happens over and over the guard never really comes down..
and the mask correspondingly remains in place..
some would call it survival, others might not even notice being so wrapped up in themselves...
Whatever inspired these words is responsible if not for anything else, at least for a half decent poem.....
Neville
Neville,
I’m so disappointed, only a half decent poem! I was looking for 65%!
I’ll try harder!
Seriously thanks for taking time to read & comment; as always it is most appreciated.
Unsub.
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