It Goes Deeper than this

I feel lost like I have to go find 🔦myself I feel useless like I gave everything that I can give and I have nothing left to give I feel betrayed 🎭from every man that has thought 💭 twice to step in my life starting with my dad ending with the man I lay with at night  🚻I feel alone like im out here all by myself and there’s no one to hold me I feel unworthy like my past still has a hold of me I feel shameless from the choices I have made not my mistakes I feel like I have no voice🔕 like an ant 🐜 who has something to say for everyone stepping their way I feel I feel so many things I can’t explain a lot of things constantly on my mind but I keep them inside try to hide 🙈the pain 😪smoke a blunt just to gain a thought or two about my life 🦋what can I do what didn’t I do hell if I know I just wanna live my truth like fuck it storm ⛈ do you but it gets hard, hard as a rock to unlock 🔓the demons 👹 caged ⛓ inside me feeling trapped in my misery i just want to scream and shout 📢 it’s like my feelings have me locked up and won’t let me out I feel I feel numb like a  foot that went to sleep 💤  I do try to sleep 🛏 it away I try to smoke 💨 it away so I don’t look weak or there’s fear in my heart or I done lost it all I guess that’s the lion 🦁 in me strong and firm like a giant tree 🌳 I there’s feelings are from the true roots and each branch tells a different story 📚 oh how I wish I can feel as big as my ego goes the devil👺 just keep stepping on my toes none the less deep down inside the pain I can’t hide nor deny so I’ll just keep on getting by living my life until I feel I feel alive.