A Trigger

a trigger

a sudden cascade of terrifying feelings that come endlessly, endlessly, in and out, up and over, never ceasing, never leaving

wave after wave of unwanted depression, suicidal thoughts, constant oppression by my own mind, betraying the better judgement of my heart

and it takes just the smallest movement, the slightest trick of the hand to pull that fucking trigger, and just as a bullet, the words come to split my head apart, a domino effect of painful eruptions

in one side, out another, but the pain, it doesn't make me stronger, no,  dare I say weaker than before. a simple sprain twisted into a broken, mangled, bloody mess

and what should have been nothing more than a wave, it became a tsunami, a tidal wave of loneliness and shame and doubt and fear 

and all it took was a tiny movement

just the pull of a trigger