Heavy

The rain falls. Heavy.
I stand in the middle wondering where to go next.
I see others around me.
But I can't speak to them.
Trust lays a path in front of me.
But that path cant be crossed.
It hurts when everyone in that rain is trying reach you.
But the only thing that is stoping them is the wall you built to stop them.
Some try to climb.
But the wall grows ever more as they try.
I just want to hear them again. I want to climb that wall.
But I cant....
Because if I do.
I'm going to get hurt.
THEN WHY DONT YOU CUT THEM ALL OUT? NUMB YOURSELF.
Because.. If I do then ill lose who I am.
WHO CARES? NO ONE EVER ASKED FOR YOUR WELL BEING ANYWAYS. THEY ALL TURNED AROUND AND WALKED AWAY WHEN YOU WERE AT YOUR WORST. THEY ONLY CARED TO USE YOUR KINDNESS.
I can't believe that it's not true everybody has their reasons. I don't deserve to have peoples comfort or love.
EXACTLY YOUR WORTHLESS. NUMB YOURSELF. DISTANCE FROM EVERYONE. HIDE YOURSELF WITH MASKS. CREATE SOMEONE ELSE THAT PEOPLE HATE. THAT PEOPLE DONT WANT. YOU DONT NEED ANYBODY. You're A NOBODY.
Your right..... Who needs a lost cause?
Someone who can't even finish what they started.
To become numb again... I cant feel.
Falling I always will be. Dancing only with myself.
On a night not to regret I cast a shadow but not mine a shape of hate.
I see only this shadow in my weeping wake.
Of a mourning of which I cant move only I not from the bed of which i lay.
The music plays yet over and over the sorrow overwhelms the sound.
I start to hear the voice taking over and only my shadow moves.
How can I trust anybody when all of the pain was mine?
It was all my fault.
I don't deserve any of this.
Fall deeper.
Come closer.
But why?
Why must I?
To only have a feel again.
To only trust.
To only be more.
I want to be more.
Only.. It's funny.
It's raining....heavy.
-Eternis