Dear John

It’s July fourth once again.

When the sun rises, on the morning of the fifth,

I’ll relive that dreadful day.

The day I awoke at 625 am to find

You there.

Vacant eyes fixed on me, paralyzed by the darkness of deaths cold stare.

Rope tied taunt around your throat,

Right foot resting on the second step of a small stool.

In your note, you said this to me.

Now , I ask of you. 

How could you be so very cruel.

Your Note told me that “ I broke your heart”.

You’ll never know , the damage you have done to mine.

It remains shattered and bleeding.

It hasn’t ’ gotten any better with time.

When you took your life that morning,

You took a piece of mine as well.

Even if I can one day , find my way to heaven.

I’ll lose my balance reaching down to you, and find myself in hell.

Everyone still tells me that “ I am not to blame”.

I don’t know if this is true or not.

But, one thing is for sure, I’ll never again be the same.

I’m sorry for that night after I took my son back to his dad.

I looked into your eyes, I could see that you were sad.

I was so tired, I went to bed.

I can’t even recall the last words that were said.

I wish I said “ I love you “!

“ Let’s go and get some rest “.

I wish I had just taken your hand and led you to our room.

Holding you so tight, never letting go.

We probably would have slept till noon.

You would still be alive, why did I let you leave so soon?!

I’m sorry John.

I didn’t mean to hurt you.


  • sylviasearcher

    How very sad. Such pain and hurt. Is this based on a true experience?
    If so you must forgive yourself. You cannot be held responsible for another person's despair. People own their own feelings and actions.

    What a tragic experience

    • Resa71

      It will probably eventually become easier to let go.
      It’s just the date, Tomorrow will be the 2nd year.
      Losing someone the way I did, is a lot like this.
      You’re standing together near , but not at ref edge of a cliff.
      There’s a little wind, but it doesn’t seem to be much of a threat.
      Next thing you know, you glance over and notice that your friend is gone. If only I had realized the danger the wind carried, if only I noticed how close to the edge he was standing.
      I could have pulled him back.
      That’s the best way I can describe it. Thank you for your comment and reading my poem/ story.
      I write about him, and to him to help myself deal.
      I also do it as a warning ⚠️ to others.
      There were signs , little things he said here and there that should not have been dismissed so easily by me or anyone else.
      Never take the people you love for granted, they can disappear in the blink of an eye, be it by their own hands, or life’s little twists and turns that take them from us.
      Sorry for rambling.

      • sylviasearcher

        I hope you get through today and continue to heal 🌟

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