What Did He Say?

I am quite knackered today, you see
last night we were knees up and anxious to free
all inhibitions and silly decrees
when along came a plonker, a tosser for sure
who said he would give us a nice driving tour
of castles historic and lush countryside
if only we'd pay for this wonderful ride.

Well, now I am gobsmacked and just whinging on
because this brash ponce took my dosh, now he's gone.
I'm skint as I write of this dastardly deed
and feeling right grotty, I have to concede.
I'm all collywobbles and wonky inside
because this old pillock took me for a ride,
looted my quid, then showed his brass knuckles,
tipped his felt topper and said: "Bob's you uncle!"