Lyssa19

Worth

On July Fourth, I went to the beach
The sun was beating down on my skin,
and the ocean graced my ears with the sound of crashing waves
Sand between my toes
When I stepped on the sand it was hot
I could've sworn my feet were starting to blister,
and as the hot sand infiltrated my sandals with every step, reddening and burning the soles of my feet,
The only thought in my mind was that I deserve this

There is some sick twisted bastard that shouts in the back of my mind
Telling me I have no worth and for I've always believed him,
and every time he made me bring a razor to my skin,
he touched my face with the blood of my wounds
In those moments I was worth the world,
but moments later I'd crash to the ground
Worse than before
It took so long for him to go but he always comes back
He was gone for a while

On the fourth of July he came back
He told me he hoped my skin would burn, peel, and bleed
I had to hold onto his hands, which were dried with blood from many months before,
as I trudged on in the sand and the sun towards the ocean
My bathing suit was exposing my body to the word
Exposing me to people, who in my mind, were talking and laughing about my body
They were probably lauging at what their family members said, or how cute their kids were, splashing in the ocean

I set down my chair in the cooler sand by the water
Then hid my body with my extra clothes, my worthless disgusting body, until I was ready to brave the waves of the ocean
I plugged in my headphones, and with beautiful melodies singing in my ears,
I laid back, sun burning my face, and I stared at all the people

I saw children running to the water with their boogey boards,
mothers and fathers smiling at their offspring
Several generations of one family sat relaxing under a single tent,
and I couldn't picture any person more beautiful, worth more,
than the next
So why could I see that negativity for myself

That was the day I felt more worth than I had in a very long time

I almost cried, but I didn't
I sat, on the beach, on independence day, listening to the sound of Lana Del Rey, and life,
and I smiled
Following my friends who were making their way down to the water, I took off my clothes and let the world see my body
I felt free

I learned something important on Independence day this year,
and I want you to know,
that you are not worth more to the world than the babies that were just born today
You are not worth more to the world than their parents,
and you are not worth more to the world than me
We are not worth more than you

The man in the back of my head tells me different,
but his voice get quieter with every passing day,
and if you told me on July third that I was worthless, I would have believed you
Today I will not

Maybe the man will tell me again, and for just a second I'll give into his bloody hands
But I have a new worth,
and its all the same
We all have limits, but we all have freedom,
and we are all worth something to this world



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