Joel-Lilian

From me to you!

Joe,

We started as friends and got to know one another
You tried for more and i politely said no!
Innuendos and laughter that's what we had
Until you'd take it too far that got me mad

We came to a point you might say
We hung out everyday
This wasn't in private so don't start to think
It was a group of happy drinkers always in sync

Until one had to leave
For that we were sorry
I threw a party, a bash
Fuck it we got smashed

I'd foolishly not eaten as sugar covered my chips
How I laughed and knew this would be the night not to miss

You weren't to be seen
Said we'd see you in town
My inhibitions unaware
What was waiting for me there.

You took advantage
many told you so
You didn't listen
And took the blow

For that night I don't remember
You bragged you'd shagged a lesbian member
It took time
And I forgave
I couldn't forget the crime
But it made me brave

Time went by and I'd moved on
Life changed so fast
And I was growing up at last

She's pretty and perfect
I'd given her my heart
I knew she's worth it
A life together we must start

My future bright
Plans that felt so right
Who'd of thought you'd try
And yet again on the sly

I thought I was safe
To drink again with a mate
We were having fun
Until you came along

I didn't make a big deal
I stayed calm And judged the feel
You were not interested to me
And I felt the relief

I was enjoying my night
On the phone to miss right
Then my eyes wouldn't open
like a nightmare
I couldnt get any air

My head in a pillow
As tears rush down my face
The pain is unbearable
This night has turned terrible

You say that you're sorry
Its all your fault
You remove from my inside
I just wanted to die

Sick to the stomach
As you continue to apologies
Tell me to forget
And now you regret

A predator in the night
My tunnel has no light
I wish I'd blacked out
Now I'm numb throughout

My love turns away
Said I've led her astray
Have I done wrong
She makes me feel I don't belong

I know in my heart
and in my head
And when I confront
You bow down and gave a grunt

You say you're sorry
That angers me more
You feel like a bastard
And tell me I was plastered

You can't look me in the eyes
As you spindle more lies
You admit it's your fault
How I wish I'd recorded
And you'd be awarded
A sentence you deserve
A life you can't swerve

A verdict not guilty
the military takes pity
Officers With no backbone
Can see it's wrong yet sit on their throne

Two years with this pain
My everyday full of rain
My love by my side
With every stride
Didn't stop my wish to die

The nightmares I've had
The panics I wish I didn't have
You made this strong person
Crumble to nothing
Hiding from the world
People always judging

It's taken so long
Trying to stay strong
I got obsessed
And massively stressed
Hitting rock bottom
A life I've forgotten

Now in 2018
I'm going to be a mother
That's my priority
I can feel the authority

I never thought I'd come out the other side
In myself there is pride
The tunnel that had no light
I know my future now is bright

So this to you
I hope you feel the fool
As you live a lie
I'm free from the past
I can finally move on at last.

Comments1

  • JasmineUK

    Tears for your horror,
    Tears for your pain,
    Tears for your strength,
    To rebuild self again.

    Best wishes for your motherhood.



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