Windscreen
dusk arising said:

You express yourself clearly and tell a story whilst letting us into your feelings. The whole contained within a drive home in the rain is like a perfect stage.
Keep writing because this is brill and I\'d like to see more from you.

This is concise, just the right length and detail to convey your sadness.

HUGE welcome to MPS. Take a look around and please please please leave comments on other peoples poetry on here.

April 30th, 2019 19:59

Windscreen
ANGELA & BRIAN said:

WELCOME *WHODIS* (great penname !) ~ Thanks for your first Poem ! It is great poem because its straight from yiour heart & experience ! I love the content and theme because its about the lonliness and depression we all feel from time to time so we can empathise ! The structure (form) needs to be modified ~ OK to make it look neater on the page ! Line 1 3 5 are OK but Lines 2 & 4 need ti be split in half ~ OK Line 2 needs to be slit between eyes & wondering (to make a new line 3) and line 4 needs to be split between lungs & killing (to make a new line 6) Your line 3 then becomes ~ NEW LINE 4 ~ and your line 5 then becomes ~ NEW LINE 7 ~ Hope that is clear ! It helps if a POEM ~ Looks like a POEM. It doesnt have to RHYME but it helps if it SCANS ~ Lines of a similar length !
Your FRIEND on MPS ~ BRIAN
I share my site with my Fiancee Angela
Please check our POEMS ~ Thanks BRIAN & ANGELA

April 30th, 2019 14:05