James Edwin Campbell

Uncle Eph--Epicure

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You kin talk erbout yo' 'lasses an' yo' steamin' buckwheat cakes,
'Bout yo' eisters fried in crackers, an' yo' juicy hot clambakes;


'Bout yo' beefsteak fried wid inguns, an' yo' ros'n yeahs ob co'n,
But ol' possum wid sweet taters beats dem all, des sho's you bo'n.


Tek erway yo' Floyda eiange, tek erway yo' fig and date,
An' bring erlong my 'possum on dat bigges' ol' tin plate.


Turnip greens all biled wid bacon an' er co'n pone smokin hot,
I gwi' nebber scratch dat ticket caze it retch ur tender spot.


An' hot biscuits wid hot coffee mek ur mighty han'som pa'r,
W'ile ol' hen biled wid dumplin's, O yes, dat's parsin' fa'r.


But tek erway yo' greens an' bacon, tek erway yo' chicken biled,
An' bring 'possum an' sweet taters -- hesh yo' mouf, dey sets me wild!


Sta't him out'n pawpaw thicket, chase him up er 'simmon tree,
W'ile de music ob dat houn' pack sets de woods er-ring wid glee.


Roun' de hill an' troo de bottom, up de holler by de spring,
Ow! ow! ow! ow! des a whoopin'! how dat ol' lead-houn' do sing!


An' you hurry troo de briahs an' you tumble ober logs,
Nebber knowin', nebber cyarin' ez you chyuh dem blessed dogs.


An' w'en dey all sees you comin', how dem dogs sing wid new grace,
Fum de young houn's sweet, cla'r tenah ter de ol' houn's mighty bass.


An' dar on ur lim' er grinnin' wid his tail quoiled mighty tight,
Hangs my fren', ol' Mistah 'Possum -- how dem dogs howl wid delight.


An' you crawl out furder, furder, twel you hyuh dat ol' lim' crack,
An' you shake er loose his tail holt, an' you put him in yo' sack.


Den you tote him home an' feed him twel he fat des ez you please,
Den you kill him an' you hang him out er frosty night ter freeze.


Den you stuff him wid sweet taters an 'put butter all ur roun',
Den you put him in de oven an' you bake him twel he's brown.


Oom! all swimmin' in his graby an' ur drippin' in his fat --
Talk erbout yo' milk an' honey, wut's de hebbenly food ter dat?


Let dat show-ban' play its loudes', let dat 'cession des march on,
I wouldn't stop my eatin' ef ol' Gab'ul blowed his horn!

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James Edwin Campbell