Second Choices and Second Chances

why is it in every single scenario I am the

second choice

the other girl is always 

prettier

smarter

or just 

better

i love with my whole heart

i am a big girl but i will always remain

loyal and kind

i feel every slice of pain

i've ever encountered

and i work hard everyday 

i have enough money to provide for the people

i love

i have burning red hair and dark brown eyes

i love chocolate and chinese food and the number three

i love cheesy romantic comedies and i believe in

second chances

not second choices

i just can not seem to find anyone who

will only see me and can steady their eyes on

only mine

i'm young but i am not reckless

i'm spirited but i am calm

i'm free but i am secure

i am someone who could love you unconditionally and never 

leave

because when i love someone

it's fully

i love and i love

so why are these tears rolling and why is there so much pain resting on my chest

making it hard to breathe

and why wasn't i enough

- i hope she's what i couldn't be