Vibrational contradiction

This purging happens so fast now

Its autopilots of healing my pain

A trigger went off after posting to 11:11 movement

After receiving a notification says "can I tag myself" 

My higher vibration said of course anyone can

Then hours later I read the name at the end of my writing 

Suddenly I'm over run with emotions anger then sadness

The private message sent still left unresponsive

Try to move passed this but the feeling is

Unbearable 

Why can I feel like this over something so little

Can I not see that the person may want to help my message 

With it feeling unanswerable I'll just take it as a lesson for later

The next morning it's still floating around up there

I play random music to see if it will clear my air

Then I hear the words "you can't take credit for my work" 

This resonated and my frustration starts to build

For this felt like the reason of this low vibrational ordeal 

Not knowing if this strangers energy is contradictory to mine 

Then the healing voices started to kick in

This is a reflection of your inner workings 

The times you would still welcome death 

It's contradicting the 'who' in your head

You think it started when running away from home

But it's been there from the moment you were born

I'm asking the universe to help me connect to this

My dad has already awkwardly admitted he wasn't there for 95% of it

But still I'm greatful he's open enough to tell me this

My mother confirmed that I stop breathing at a year old

She didn't sleep for a month until I finally coughed myself cold

After turning blue I spent a week in a tent at hospital 

This point in my life I've experienced enough to know

Just making it through the gate to exist is a goal

But this feeling inside that I'm still unable to own 

Is maybe I should of never really made it at all

I guess it's why I never like to hide any thoughts

Constantly in search for a feeling to be known and belong 

Still unable to except that I'm not the only one

There begins again my own cycle of vibrational contradiction 

Thankful to anyone in guiding me to heal this inner corruption