Not Good Enough

I sit here on my bed

Holding my stuffed animals

And crying to myself

I look pathetic

No, I am pathetic

Because I messes up

Again

Replaying everything I did wrong,

I realize I barely did anything right

It's always like that

Even one good thing doesn't matter,

Because I always make more mistakes 

Than I don't

I sit here on my bed

Remembering how bad i felt

Remembering how mad you were

Remembering that i messed up again

I can do my best, and you don't

Seem to notice

I never get a "Thank you"

I never get a "You're doing a good job"

I never get a "It's ok, things happen"

Instead I always get a

"That's not acceptable"

"You're failing"

"What do you think you're doing?!"

I sit here on my bed

Begging God to fix me

To make me better

To make it so I never make mistakes again

To make it so I never let anyone down

If He has to, make me a whole 

New person

Or get rid of me

If I wasn't here, I wouldn't make

Mistakes

No one would yell at me

No one would get mad

No one would accuse me

No one would hate me

I sit here on my bed

Not wanting to be crying

Not wanting to be breathing

Not wanting to be anything

Except for gone