My Depression

Writings From The Unknown13

well shit...

my depression is back and it hit me hard.

depression is like a tick..

it latches on to you when your not expecting it..

sucking the life out of you.

once you have gotten that first tick..

it starts to become like a parasite that lives within you and you start to suffer from the disease it creates...

i feel bad because the person who made me the happiest experienced my absolute numbness..

and it wasnt fair to him.

i held a knife to my neck...

i was gliding the knife against my skin..

learning how it feels against my skin.

theres only one person in this world that knows me better than anyone..

more than anyone who had known me for my whole life..

and im grateful for this person and this person knows me inside and out..

and this person knows when im crying..

and he knew when that blade was in my skin...

this person knows me so well...

he knows my codes,

he knows me the best..

so can anyone blame me for my setback due to the forced withdrawal of the best person in the world?

it has gotten to the point where i dont know if i have started to develop bipolar or some shit..

because ill be happy one minute then suicidal the next..

and then ill go insane..

and the last stage is where i become numb and little to no emotions..

lack of sympathy and a lack of empathy...

you wanna know whats bullshit?

...antidepressants!!

ha!

antidepressants side effects= suicidal thoughts and chance of death.......

(think about that for a moment)

isnt it fucked up how a pill thats supposed to help with depression, suicidal thoughts which could lead to death by suicide have the side effects of suicidal thoughts and death????

isnt that just fucked up and pointless???

i just want to make a cut for every tear that i shed...

if that was the case then it would look like i threw myself into a blender...

welcome to my depression.

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Comments2

  • M. E.

    It's fucked up that the part of you that most defines who you are can also be so self destructive and beyond your control. This stage of your life is emotional and traumatic for anyone, and you've had no extra advantages. Part of you is fighting to keep you down at every turn, and that's more difficult a challenge than some people ever face in their entire lives. Lucky you, you get to fight that battle now, when there's so much else on your plate, fighting for your undivided attention.

    Strength isn't a lack of obstacles, it's struggling and falling and picking yourself back up, and finding a way through all the shit and mud to be exactly who you dream of despite everything holding you back. It's dirty and plagued with guilt and failure sometimes... if it wasn't, it wouldn't require so much strength.

    You're an incredibly strong woman, and you've overcome so much in such a short time. Thank you for sharing; you're absolutely not alone.

  • Writings From The Unknown13

    i wanted to cut so bad last night and this morning but i held my shit together and kept saying its not worth it it wouldnt do me any good but that doesnt mean i still didnt think about it



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