"Ok?" Free-Verse Poem

 

Where is my mind

Slowly losing myself

Thought I was lucky

All I had was pain

 

People think I'm strong

And maybe that's true

But life's not that easy

I'm not what I seem

 

I know there's always worse

Why does that make it ok

I'm not sure anymore

What's there to gain

 

I guess I'm just tired

Of always holding on

I think I've got control

But I've never had luck

 

I'm falling apart

Yet no one sees

They say I'll be ok

Cause that's how it's been

 

Is that really true

Each year I get worse

I may have learned to hide it

Doesn't mean that it's gone

 

I'm not ok

Why can't they understand

Yes, it won't kill me

But it's still a burden

 

The stones get heavier

As time carries on

Put on a smile

That's all they want

 

I'm not trying to hurt you

It's just how I feel

I know I said don't dwell

But sometimes it's hard

 

The difference is though

I'll never give up

I'm true to my word

I don't plan to stop

 

I just want a break

Guess that won't happen

The pile gets bigger

I need more strength

 

It's not about winning

Although I wish I could

It's about the fight

The one that never ends

 

There's a saying that goes

If it doesn't kill you

Then you'll get stronger

But all I feel is weak

 

They think it's not that bad

Maybe it's not

Again there's always worse

But I feel like I'm lost

 

I'm not scared of death

Just the before

The parts where you lose

Who you really are

 

It's seems that's happening

Faster than it should

I'm only 17

And I'm losing my mind

 

My brain is me

I can't handle this

What do I do

I'm terrified

 

Sounding dramatic

But that's how it feels

I can't focus on anything

And I just want to cry

 

I'm so angry at the world

It's all just against me

Then I think (stop moping,

There's ALWAYS worse)

 

ALWAYS worse

That's the phrase

I mean It's true

But isn't that sad

 

Why should there be worse

Just to make me feel better

It doesn't really work

I just get irritated

 

I know I'm not the only one

Which is screwed up enough

I'm so tired of this life

Is it really worth the pain

 

The answer is yes

Still really sucks

Death is easier

But not happier

 

There's so much happy

If we just try to focus

Sometimes that's hard

And that's ok

 

Even though I get angry

When people say I'll be ok

It's actually true

If I allow it to be

 

I won't ever be ‘ok'

But who really is

Life gives as much as it takes

If we choose to see it