Addiction

Churning, shaking, unsettling my peace

A pull, an urge, a thirst I can't cease

I've done everything else, I know what it wants

To make me ok, "it will help me" it rants

Heart pumping and lead weight inside pulling

I can't carry this load anymore

At least not today, tomorrow I'll change

But right now I'm being wrung from the core

It squeezes my stomach, a pain I can't bare

My mind can't think straight, I'm in total despair

I can't cope with what's happened, then or now

If I numb all this pain, then for today I won't care

I'll be someone else, no fault will be mine

For I'm under the influence, I can act obsurd 

And destroy all in my path or that gets in my way

Especially those helping and my support network

I don't deserve help anyway, so drunk I'll hurt those I love

And won't even care while I'm numb and not me

But days later I'm hungry, can't stop and feel ill

But there's no one to help me, only enemies to gloat

I vow to change, to resist next time round

I won't be so stupid again

Until my feelings take over and explode deep inside

A familiar urge presents itself when

Like a grey tornado, powerful and strong

Sucks my strength to carry on

Only one way to calm it, I know what it wants

To make me ok, "it will help me" it rants