"The Wall"

Merissa

 

I think I’ve lost control

Of that which I had

It wasn’t intentional

I learned from my dad

 

I thought I could protect

My heart from being broken

But I think things have changed

And now it needs spoken

 

Not in the same way

That everyone thinks

I’m an expressive person

But there’s still many kinks

 

I may tell you how I feel

I may scream it out loud

But it’s not really heard

It’s covered in shroud

 

People think I’ve dealt

With the issues at hand

I guess I hide it well

And look like I stand

 

It’s not what they think

I just push right through

The madness and sorrow

That’s never been new

 

Always feeling weak

Ready to break

I look like I’m strong

But not much I take

 

Can’t stop thinking

Feelings overflow

My mind is muddled

But it doesn’t show

 

Maybe it does

Just not enough

Everyone knows

But think that I’m tough

 

It’s a chaotic circle

That’s keeping me down

Saying move on

And hiding my frown

 

They know that I suffer

It’s written in my skin

But because it is constant

It’s seen as a win

 

I don’t really deal

With the problems I hold

I never learned how

And now they just fold

 

Curving inside

Settling deep

Within my heart

The secrets I keep

 

Not in the literal

But in the pain they deal

Seems like I’m fine

But I never heal

 

I carry it with me

Pretending it’s gone

For that’s what I’m told

“Just move on”

 

It’s not a bad phrase

It’s just not explained

Life should move on

But learn from the pained

 

Don’t do what I do

Just blocking it out

It will revert back

Then anguish will sprout

 

I’m standing at the edge

I feel it all the time

Never quite falling

But lost to the climb

 

Trying to calm

The emotions inside

They swirl in my heart

Ready to hide

 

Crying within

Not seen on my face

Tired of it all

Need a change of pace

 

Everything is spinning

World keeps on turning

It will never let up

My stomach is churning

 

Wishing it could stop

Not ready to fall apart

I’ve done it before

Just back at the start

 

They say let it go

Making things calm

Maybe it’s release

But not a real balm

 

It’s like putting a bandaid

On a wound that’s cut deep

It may stop the outpour

But pain will still reap

 

How do I break

The wall I hold dear

Scared of the truth

Loose is my fear

 

There's too much at stake

If I let it break free

I don't want to lose

What I know I can be

 

I've seen what can happen

If emotions take control

Not ready to face

The darkness as a whole

 

I’ve come to far

To let things slip

I can’t allow weakness

To make me trip

 

I want to back away

From the cliff I reside

Nothing I can do

To change what’s inside

 

Eventually I’ll fall

So what do I do

Maybe if I jump

I’ll make it through

 

I’m honestly terrified

Of what might occur

My heart rate increases

The room is a blur

 

Maybe I’m selfish

It’s not a big deal

I really don’t know

How I should feel

 

Afraid of the future

And what it might hold

Apparently that’s life

So I’ve been told

 

I’m worrying too much

But it’s honestly true

I’m right at the brink

Will I get through

 

I’m honestly not sure

The importance of this

The wall is my safety

Protecting my bliss

 

It’s there for a reason

I know that for sure

But is keeping it better

Or is there a cure

 

I want to be mended

I know that takes change

But how far is too much

Is there a range

 

Will this ever end

I really don’t think so

But maybe there’s hope

That I could grow

 

Nothing worth it is easy

But that is just life

Hoping there’s more

That will stop my strife

 

There isn’t an ending

To this mess of mine

It will always be there

Twisted like vine

 

  • Author: Merissa (Offline Offline)
  • Published: November 12th, 2018 15:44
  • Comment from author about the poem: Wrote this all today. Took me 2 hours. I love poetry. :-) Sorry about the length. I always write a lot. lol. Also, I know it's depressing but honestly the best artwork is depressing. Thanks for reading if you do. Love to hear your comments. :-)
  • Category: Reflection
  • Views: 20
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Comments +

Comments4

  • Debsspot

    Hi Merissa, felt painfully close to home at times. Don't normally like poems with rhymes but though this worked pretty well.
    You were right about the length though. Had to push myself to finish but was glad i did. I find that even if I've got something I really love, editing always hones it. Sometimes leaving it a day ot two before rereading can help you see things you missed in the initial excitement. If it end up being an "epic" well, thats what the genre is all about. Funnily enough i think the way you've written gives it a little lightness to a heavy topic. I haven't read any of your previous work but I will as I like your writing style. Not normally my cup of tea but there is definitely something I like. Sorry for the "epic" response.

  • Merissa

    Lol. Thanks. I appreciate your comment. Fair warning. A good amount of my poems are long. I just write a lot I guess. They never feel finished. Also, I try to make it sound not quite so depressing I guess. I like to make it more mature thinking than just the emotion. I also like to try and put some kind of hope throughout. Sometimes it just doesn't work that way though. Again, thanks for your comment. I'm glad you liked it.

  • orchidee

    A fine write M. You took another 2 hours to type it all up?!
    Did the time involve mainly thoughts, or mainly getting it to rhyme, or bit of both?
    I usually use AABB etc., i.e. Lines 1 and 2 rhyme; lines 3 and 4 rhyme; etc. You have use ABCB form here.
    I thought I was 'epic'. They said 'Nope, just waffling!' lol.

  • Merissa

    It took me 2 hours to write the poem. It just flowed from my mind. A few times I had to look up rhyming words but most I came up with myself. I thought 2 hours wasn't that long. Lol. Lots of people take days to write a poem. Granted, not in the literal sense but still. I meant I wrote the whole thing all at once, which took 2 hours to do. Lol. Hopefully that makes things clearer. Not sure. Anyways, thanks for reading. 🙂



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