Love Not Had

I didn’t know what I was getting into,

not really anyway.

It started with pairs.

I hate doing anything that requires someone else.

I can only count on myself,

at least I thought I did.

We were paired up.

It was awkward at first, very silent

One not wanting to annoy the other.

There was something very melodic about his voice

and the way he interacted.

I have never seen anyone like him before.

Something lured us together, but what?

We carried on with our lives

not really thinking much about the other.

Then it happened again.

We were in a group together,

let the communication begin.

It started out as playful banter.

Then we sat together

in a dark theatre

with nothing but a small arm rest between us.

I was drawn closer to him in our small, confined space.

Drawn to his aroma and warmth.

I was drawn in by his words that grabbed my attention

until we realized we were two of the last people there.

That night and day after my insides churned

as I struggled with how to deal with my emotions.

It was a “now-or-never” moment and I shared my feelings of affection.

He did not feel the same way.

I knew I shouldn’t have raised my hopes,

my high hopes cost me everything.

We were able to move past it though

and stay friends with no strain.

Up until recently,

where my feeling I thought I had thrown away resurfaced.

I know he is still not ready,

I don’t even need to ask.

But I do!

I need to know why these immense feeling of desire are back.

And will I ever be rid of them?