Darling, I will fetch a thimble
to sew you a necklace fresh with tongues,
to match the flame upon your crown -
broken, gnarled, bursting with light.
I have loved you
for so long.
When we met my feet twisted with lavender,
and I was yet to feel shame.
I knew not the dove's corpse
betrayed by corvidius kin.
So drown me in in Narcissus' lake
where the gull
caws my name
-
Author:
Aislinn Wilson (
Offline) - Published: January 9th, 2019 10:09
- Comment from author about the poem: I want this poem to come to it's full potential. Please help by offering strong feedback and constructive criticism. Other comments will be accepted and appreciated but I would love help improving this work. Thank you. Also yes, I did make up a word. I intended corvidius to describe something crow-like in nature.
- Category: Surrealist
- Views: 58
- Users favorite of this poem: Aislinn Wilson
Offline)
Comments3
A good write Aislinn. Though I often say that on comments, but sometimes don't get the theme. Not just your poems - there's other authors too, which may be too cryptic for me at times.
Sorry I can't help more on this one.
Appreciated. It has mixed imagery, but some has to do with the garden of eden, the crucifixion, pentecost, and also the pope releasing the doves in Ukraine in 2014, one which was killed by a crow, the other by a seagull.
a very much enjoyed poem... cheers.. Neville
Much appreciated!
write on friend.... 🙂
We all view and read poetry differently and without wanting to appear arrogant I can usually spot a few changes in the poetry of others which I feel would help improve them. Having said all that this is original and reads so well there is nothing I would want to suggest apart from a little punctuation to encourage the reader to pause for effect . It's a great write.
That's very helpful, thank you! I will consider and play with punctuation
My pleasure - hope you didn't mind.
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