sylviasearcher

Tell You

Tell me,

You say

As if

It's simple to do

 

Tell you

I lay

As if

I'm left without a clue

 

Tell you of the feelings

Drifing, fleeting dreamings

 

Tell you something real?

Instead of imagination's spiel? 

 

Words fall 

Clumsily

From my

Open lips

 

I watch

You try

To taste

Poisoned bliss

 

Visions

Scatter

Floorwards

As I kneel

 

Perhaps

You will

Show me

How to feel

 

Perhaps it is more complex

Than this witch's thirteenth hex

 

Indeed I think we need to dance

Together, back and forth, this trance

 

Spin me

Dizzy

Hold me

Show me

 

Then when 

It's over

Whisper

Tell me

 

I'll lay

And watch

Words speak

You'll see

 

After the teaching

And endlessly reaching

 

And pulsating sensations real

I am released

And can speak

How I feel

Comments4

  • Neville

    I notice you say this is a quick rough draft & may consider revising ... my opinion may not be worth much here, but I would urge you to leave as is...or only amend if you really think you must... In essence, your 'Tell You' poem reads like a very sincere and desperate plea... anyway, thoroughly enjoyed by my humble self.... N

    • sylviasearcher

      Well you seem to be the only one who liked this today but I had a feeling you might.

      I actually edited just one word but before you read it.

      Sometimes the rawness and authenticity of a rough draft captures a moment better than hours of editing where thought invades feeling.

      • Neville

        true...

      • whisperingquill

        This is complete......

        The longing, the hunger....

        Every breath is complex,
        every whisper is a piece of the puzzle...

        In my humble opinion this is ready to go as it is....thank you for sharing.

        • sylviasearcher

          Thanks wq.
          Your humble opinion means a lot.
          Especially when you use that breathy whisper of yours 😉

        • Michael Edwards

          Well I enjoyed the read - great format.

        • Johnny Lawless

          It comes out a little notchy (meaning how it ties together), but has a cool format. I like how I pause between lines. This one would drive me crazy to edit. A raw first draft usually works best for me.

          "Tell you something real?
          Instead of imagination's spiel?", is my favorite.

          • sylviasearcher

            Thanks for reading .

            I sometimes try to convince myself that the notchiness adds some meaning to perceiving...

            🙃



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