A good mood?

So this is new...

What is it?

the loss,

the weary,

the cost,

I'm cheery.

It's unusual for me to be happy,

It's been so long,

I forgot how it feels,

I feel like I could run to hong kong.

After all this time,

its built up for this.

I can't explain, but I can't tell if I like it.

Do I miss the pain?

It felt like I had meaning for once.

Where I could use my joy to help others,

but now I feel like doing the opposite.

I feel selfish, I feel like I don't deserve it.

Suddenly I'm anxious,

as if this "good feeling"

makes me feel worse.

What is this?

The walls!

Why are they closing?

I scream for help,

no one answers.

I go for the way out,

It won't budge.

Why? Why? Why?

I can't take it.

Hey!

That's too close! Get away!

Why are you grabbing me?

What is this? Why am I here? Who are you?

I can't see! Please leave me alone!

YOU CANT CONTROL ME!

Abruptly,

there is a light.

Shall I follow?

Shall I rot in darkness?

Or discover the unknown?

The light somehow feels dark.

Again: I am grabbed.

Let go! Why must you do this!

It guides me with force,

Dragging me down,

I try to fight,

but I am not strong,

a hand reaches out from the light for help,

I reach,

but I slip,

the darkness drags me down.

I fall to my knees and give up,

All of the sudden,

My wrists,

they bleed,

my skin,

is pale.

Where am I? I ask,

no response.

I cry,

with no tears.

My legs,

they're chained, I reach to unlock them,

but I am stuck.

It's hot, its dark...

I'm so scared.

What have I done?

Why have I let these demons control me?

They used the darkness and my fear to drag me to HELL!

And here I sit with pain yet again.

And I realize how much I miss the happiness.

I wake,

a knife in my hand,

against my wrist.

Almost some blood.

The knife falls,

me along with it.

I scream,

no one heard it,

I cry,

no one heard it,

I scream again,

no one heard it.

I stop and remember,

I'm home alone.

They aren't here,

Thank god. I was so close.

I couldn't imagine what they would think,

how I came so close.

I think, what a good mood.