I think I should like to... Poem, by Zinny, at My poetic side

Today i shovel

Food,

Hunger,

Fill the void.

Yesterday,

Nothing.

A glass of rum,

Tears.

I think i should like to...

Please.

Empty wailing in silent car.

Fuck Fuck Fuck

Why me?

Sickness,

Pain.

I had no choice.

Walls are closing

In.

I think i should like to...

Help me.

You are all

There for me,

And yet

No one is.

And so i claw

At skin

And cut

My hair.

I think i should like to...

Stop this.

My cheek

Is raw.

My hand comes sharp

Across

The flesh.

Distraction

Is beautiful

Agony.

I think should like to..

I want to...

I just wanted

To be happy.

Why

Has this happened?

My soul

Is heavy,

My essence

Is tired.

I think i should like to...

Die

Author: Zinny ( Offline)
Published: February 4th, 2019 06:47
Comment from author about the poem: I\\\'m not sure if it is clear enough to the reader, as i am so new to all of this; However the last line of each stanza all reads out into a sentence that directly speaks the underlying message.\r\nThis was the first poem I wrote during some of the most awful months of my life. I never knew I was depressed... It was too serious of a word for a person that\\\'s always been a little of this and a little of that. Weird, Sad, Alone.\r\nMy boyfriend was the one to lift me up and make me feel like a somebody, even whilst battling his own anxiety and depression. I can\\\'t count the times we have clawed each other back into feeling comfortable existing again. For 2 and a half years we maintained a long distance relationship with over 250 miles between us. When we moved in together, it was the happiest and hardest 2 years of our lives. Deciding to live separately again in order to regain some financial stability and working on our own mental health. and so we both moved back to our families. \r\nMy job was draining me but it was the only income keeping us afloat... which led to some awful, low moments. Twice I nearly lost him to his own demons. Living without him though, has been the hardest 6 months i have ever faced. Volley after Volley of issues forced me to decided whether i could afford to relocate into the flat we had recently acquired in his home town. Its taking so much out of me. I find myself wishing daily that we could just have our old lives back regardless of the struggle.\r\nI also found i had a reoccurring thought that would often find me even in minor moments in life. It was disturbingly calm and offered peace. \\\"I think I should like to die\r\nIt found me every time a person spoke over me, not knowing I was ever talking. Every time some one repeated an answer or idea at work that I had already spoken. Did I imagine that my coworkers said \\\'morning\\\' to me so less excited than the others? Or when I was being questioned on my methods and actions that I felt I had never deviated from. Every time I looked in the mirror. Or had to walk alone a path we had walked together. \r\nIt was then I knew I needed to seek help. \r\nI am still fighting for the courage.
Category: Sad
Views: 9

I think I should like to...

Zinny

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