My days quest

With heavy heart I can't bare to watch My sister part,

To live means we all must die,

My sister and I talked often and we sometimes cried,

Her biggest talks were often of me,

So proud she be of me,

I would hang just my head and cry, I felt I was a disgrace to whole human race,

She told me I brought her confort just to be here by here side, but always talked of this it made her cry,  she begged me to forgive my self for what I have done, saying "God will understand he see how much you hurt he will confort you my brother",

"I have tried but cannot, I said time and again sorry sister it lives in me to the end",

My mind goes into a ranting rage, caged inside my mine,

The things I've done in past order by command, laced with things I've witnessed, prohibits my ability to forgive my self,

I wish I could,

I give anything and everything and to fill the dark void in me if only for a minute, just to feel real, human again, to feel what God gave us all at birth,

once filled with inocense of life love, respect of all living  things,

Now never to be the same, hole put there by time will remain, but I found aways to keep my self happy and reframe from emotional pain I can barely sustain,

My one and only takes so much of ache away just by her kisses and her warm hands,

Way she holds me I know she's remolding me,

Heaven sent,

She can bring me to my knees,

My poems, my letters and stories help me vent,

restore my feelings slowly but only for a bit so I write all the time try to make the rhyme, became hooked, like a drug, I can't quite,

So all I can do is my best, pass days quest, to all that read now you know it why I try so hard to write, it's more than a gift.

It keeps the faith in me to all that's good in life how fills the void.