Pride

You are so proud of yourself

I see it in your eyes

Every time I eat

Well, you think it’s such a prize

The threats and disappointed looks

come at me like lies

You want me to eat and eat

For the weight to go straight to my thighs

I shouldn’t have told you that day

I should have just shut up

Now you know my secret

And you think I’m straight out of luck

There is another option

The voice inside me

It doesn’t just suggest starvation

There is no need to grieve

The way I feel right now

So full of food and disgust

Like a fucking fat cow

This can be forgotten

Ana can forgive and I know I must

Toothbrush down my throat

Bristles scratching hard

Hold it in a little longer

You deserve this you fat lard

The first time comes and goes

but somehow I want more

One, two, three times

maybe I’ll try for four

The hatred is at ease

Ana has stopped the shrikes

My body cries in anger

It thinks I’m such a tease

As you watch me

I wonder of your pride

Would you be so happy I have eaten

If you know what I so successfully hide?