Words of Silent Honesty

I would be lying

if I didn't say I'm worried

 

I would be blind

if I didn't say what I see

 

I would be false

if I didn't say I'm grateful

 

grateful for nights

spilled with bottles and thoughts

bottles of the fullest bottom

and

thoughts that takes you to the sky

 

because the reaper is in a hurry

and

the grip around me is tighter then before

 

because even if I walk with a smile

I can feel the numbness that was left from before

 

making every tone harder to send is melody

making every word lose is letters for it's lyrics

 

I know my jokes reaches the top quality

but please don't tell me this is a joke

 

because the strings around my heart

never lost it's force

 

Even in the silence I'm worried about all of us

just like how would offer my 12 pm to another 12 pm

making the clock going in a 24 tick

 

because even if I am wounded

I am accepted for what I do

I am cared for

I feel like I have done enough with you

 

I am becoming happy

something the hangman searched for years to come

the day he was born

 

because I don't feel like drone

that works like a slave in the mine of love

 

and

 

I don't feel like I'm messed around with like before

like a drunk man with too many notes left at the hallway door

 

when morning comes

it is at that point I can feel warmth

even if my eyes are tired

my heart is comforted

comforted by the arms around me

making me feel my little happy rain clouds

making me look up to the sky asking

 

''Am I worth this?''

 

because even fools like my

that run around biting his own tail

can be lucky enough in a coin toss

to find someone that has a equal scale

that goes not overboard or under

it is enough

 

for a gunman

doing sins is for survival

but for a hangman

doing sins are an excuse

so find me a name

to give me an excuse to be free

 

so my stringed heart

can finally gets it's grip loosen

so I can finally breath once more

so I can finally be the one in the mirror once more

 

I'm not lost in myself

I'm just lost in my words

in my own thoughts

 

but I'm smiling

because my guiding star

has arrived to show me the way

 

Not by guilt like the rest

or

words of regret

 

just me being able to be myself

me being able to hear

me being able to see

me being able to feel

 

Sometimes I have the feeling to repeat myself

saying the same thing in different ways

going a loop in different words

 

but I do it just to make myself clear

that today I don't stand on the mountain

that today I'm not at the beach

and that today I'm not away in town

 

but I am here with her

because she makes my everything

be enough for me

 

She makes words that went numb for me

alive and awake

 

She made an illusion become reality

She made me smile again

 

so I'm just gonna stand up for once

and

say out loud

 

''I'm the worse, but even the worse deserves something good''

because it reminds us

that deep inside

that we are all alive

 

But if I had a wish

I just wish my doubt wouldn't settle in

because being experienced is one of the worst thing

because then the past worries one

 

But I never thought about it for the first time

she makes a hound like me only bark on command

 

because she is someone I'll smile for

and give up all my empty bottles for

 

so when I'm going insane

going wanderlust

running away like a wild dog

then I'll wait up

 

so I don't have to walk the path

with the flickering lights alone

 

so when I go hand in hand

into my faults

she makes them feel right

 

I am lost in the room

with the four walls

that makes me feel insane

so let my tired soul

just lean forward to rest my head

on you

 

like the pillow last night

just feeling comfort

 

so let today be alright and tomorrow better

because yesterday was left in ruins

when the way I am change and I forget to say my words

 

but just to make sure I don't forget it

I'll put up notes in my head

that

''I love you dearly''