The Five Stages Of Grief

The five stages of grief

1 denial: 

I lay on the table, gravel in my throat, as I asked what’s wrong

When she says there is no heart beat

I start to cry

Instinctively put my arms around my belly to protect you 

But I couldn’t save you from this

The doctor said I would pass tissue and that how I would know everything was going medically right

I wasn’t the only one hoping that they were wrong

2 Anger: 

I wanted to scream

I wanted to yell

I wanted to throw things

I was so angry

And I didnt even have any one to be angry at

I tried to blame the hospital

I said they should have told me the heartbeat was low

Then I could have prepare for this

But nothing could have prepared me for this

3 bargaining: 

the Kübler-Ross model says guilt is a wing man of bargaining 

The what if statements come into play now

Every one is telling me it’s not my fault

But there are things I would change

4 depression: 

I’m stuck here

All my memories from the past few days are tinged with black

I hardly leave my room

I have to be reminded to take showers

All I think about is you

My husband says I have to let go 

Or else it’ll destroy me

But I don’t know how

5 acceptance:

Some times I forget that I’m not pregnant any more

Find myself wondering if you will say mama or dada first

Only to remember that my womb is empty

Your home became your grave

And I’m afraid I’ll turn into a cemetery 

Will I forever be the mourning mother

Some times I have to remind my self I didn’t just stop being pregnant

But that goes back to denial

The stages don’t follow a straight line

It’s more like a roller coaster 

That goes under ground 

And gets stuck there 

Because everything is so dark