4 Year Anniversary Of My Moms Passing

4 years..

february 24th 2015 to februrary 24th 2019...

a very important date to me...

its been 4 years...

4 empty years...

february 24th 2019...

4 years since my mom died.

i couldnt imagine my life without her but now i wonder how many things would change and what would be different in my life if she was still here.

would i still be as strong as i am right now? 

there are so many things that wouldve been so different if she was still here.

im not saying her death benefited me thats not at all what im saying...

all im saying is would i be a different person if this tragic event didnt happen? 

would i still be this strong?

would i have gotten away with the things i did?

having only my dad left is so much different than only having a mom left.

would my dad still be up tight?

there are so many wonders of how my life would be like today is she was still with us and i wish she was here to see me at my graduation to see me be happy and talk to me when im down and be proud of me when i fail.

i would do anything to hug my mom one more time..

hear her voice one more time...

hear her say congradulations..

hear her say im proud of you..

feel her love..

feel her kiss on my cheek..

hear her wise words one more time...

i would love to be able to talk to her and hear her wise words whenever i wanted and needed and most of all i want to hear her voice say...

"i love you"...

one..

more..

time...

some days a daughter just needs her mom more than anyone.

just a big bear hug that never ends.

4 years...

i remember when it was just a month..

every month got worse and worse at first.

i was kinda numb and thats how ive been ok the past 4 years.

im numb until i let it out.

im always a wreck around this time of year and anytime im reminded of her.

my sister got a reading from a medium and its unbelievable..

it was so accurate its amazing its indescribable.

i want one.

i want a reading.

my wish is to have one everyday...

ha! i wish.

i wish my mom could just pop in my room and talk to me.

i wish i could feel her presence well i can sometimes but its not the same.

its been 4 years and nothing is like it used to be.

nothings normal but we have learned to grow into a new normal but its still not the same.

its been 4 years and i miss my mom so much and i just want one more moment..

one more memory with her..

one more time..

one last time...

i want to hug her and hear her say "congratulations im proud of you baby girl i love you" on my graduation day.

february 24th 2015...

the day she passed away and now its february 24th 2019...

4 years since my mom passed away...