Solo-Chill.
Evening seeps into bleak widowed shoreline.
Thoughtless the tide laps at grief's lone retreat.
Gulls lachrymose wails add force to sad sighing.
Death floods partnered twilight in tearful defeat.
Dark hangs greying shawls over day's graveside
Mauve dusts the sun to mourn memory's flowers.
Night shuts itself in with solo-chill biting - while
Dusk gently weeps when we lose what was ours.
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Author:
Fay Slimm. (
Offline) - Published: April 2nd, 2019 02:03
- Comment from author about the poem: Just wording the pathos of loss. - - - hope it comes over.
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 31
- User favorite of this poem: MendedFences27.
Offline)
Comments9
A sensitive write Fay.
Thanks Orchy - - sensitive is a good word to use when describing the feel of the poem..
THANKS FOR THIS FAY : Angela here 9pm in Auckland : chance to catch up on MPS ~ I'm posting my poem soon ! Love the picture can I use it ? It pictures me waiting on the Auckland BEACH waiting : waiting for Brians Plane to come in (it takes weeks for the Boat !) Love the pathos in your Poem. Brian & I are Bereavment Councellors in the Church especially for the under 40s who had been bereaved. It is hard to lose your Partner at any age but even worse when you are Young. Brian and I are qualified Councellors for our Work. The worst situation is suicide because the bereaved ones always blame themselves. What your poem illustrates is : However beautiful the surroundings and the weather : the loss NEVER goes away. Thank you it inspires Brian & I to cherish each other more each day while we have each other. I am sitting on the Shore waiting : but I KNOW BRIAN WILL BE WITH ME on Saturday 20th APRIL : AMEN
Thank you for awakening our senses
Blessings & love in the Spirit
Your ANGELA 🧡🧡🧡🧡
Yes loss is such a challenge and my verse hoped to bring forward the shock to a loved one left behind - trying to find solace in nature and places where love had flourished may help yet at first even nature appears to be weeping............... of course you may use the same picture dear friend. - With you in your great anticipation of an exciting break soon with your loved one Brian - sending you lots of warm hug meanwhile from Fay xxxx
An emotionally charged lament if ever there was.. a dirge played along some wild and windswept shoreline immediately springs to mind.... a sadness lingers after the initial read... N
Yes that feel of emotionally charged shock I hoped to attain in this part-imaginary - part -reality account of sad happenings has surfaced and thanks for your caring comment my friend.
you clearly managed to create the effect you had hoped to achieve.. I thought it was super... sad but super... N
Emotive piece 😓
Yes the subject coloured the feel of the poem - emotive indeed - thank you Sylvia.
Very nice, evocative and plaintively sorrowful
Thanks Mark for your visit and comment on what was a tricky though evocative subject - - plaintive seems just the right word to describe the feel I wanted in the two short stanzas.
Great write Fay. I loved "widowed shoreline." Very imaginative, and it sets up the tone of the poem. Brilliant.
The connection between widows and the sea , the massive loneliness of the ocean, the loss of the Sun over its horizon all add intensity to this phrase and the entire poem. Just a great poem Fay. A favorite for me. - Phil A.
Thanks Phil for mentioning"widowed shoreline" - a phrase I thought would be appropriate in my short tale of sudden loss and the grief which swallows many who are left behind -- the lament personifies things like the twilight , the tide and the night so readers can see without being told how all the outer world seems to close and die at times like those. I dp appreciate your in-put dear friend. and grateful too for knowing it is now in your favourites.
The drawing in of the evening can bring sadness and lead us to reflect upon happier 'together' times.
Your words have encouraged me to reflect upon such times but i'm too positive to go on a downer. My reflections are upon joyous times I have been so lucky to have had as a part of my existence. I try to encourage this way of looking back in others who i see suffering a loss.
On the other hand, some are simply susceptible to loneliness. Having been a solitary soul for many years i am lucky again not to feel that way.
See what your choices of subject do to me? Or is it the way you present them that gets under my skin and draws reaction? The latter of course,
However the reads affect you dear friend I am honoured that you have a reaction - - the verse took on its own lament when placed on a beach where happier times made good memories - yet grief as you comment has to be faced and the challenge of coping is so different from one to another. So with this case the pace of description, slowed by the use of linguistic adjustment I made grief's sadness seen by surroundings and strong enough to linger after the read. Glad it got under your skin though D.A. - - Thanks a load for your lovely comment.
Intense,
Words to lay me down
My thanks Suresh for your visit and comment - - intense describes the poem well methinks.
Brilliant Fay, just brilliant.
Ah - - so generous of you to comment with just one wonderful word - so so pleased you thought the read brilliant my friend. - - Thank you Goldy.
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