Light Sentencing

Contemplation has been  my most recent prison

With indecision a comfortable companion

Sharing the space between the bars 

Hoping my acquittal isn’t off too far 

I used to be bound by shackles and chains

Fear and insecurity guarded with rage

But I escaped and I ran

I couldn’t believe it

I was free and it seemed

To be too easy

Then I looked back for a second 

just to see 

How the guards that never slipped

Now searched for me frantically

And down I fell into a new hole 

A place with filled with pressure

that’s choking me out 

I thought that pain 

was as bad as it gets 

But unforgiveness was a much harder hit

In this place the echo was loud

My memories rang out

I fought and I fought them 

I didn’t want them to come out

but here they are

they came with a roar

The tears that I’ve held back

Begin to run free

I’m losing it 

falling apart 

how will I ever escape from me

I can’t take it 

The fighting and crying

The clawing feelings making my lungs want to quit moving

Where is the oxygen 

help me, I’m dying 

I’m sorry so sorry 

I forgive you, it’s over

Wait what did I say 

Was that out loud

Forgive you,forgive you. 

my mouth rolls it around

Now something is different 

I feel lighter inside

I shifted and I changed 

Now I’m not in that hole

I’m looking around

at this new place called home

It a great white expanse

No walls, floor, or ceiling 

Just me and no sound

My emotions are reeling

Though I feel safe here

It’s big and Intense

There’s no start or end to this pure holiness 

I’m small and can’t fill it

And I can see 

that I’m a mess

Sloppy and undefined

Like a splatter of paint

On a canvas

It’s so quiet 

the world is blocked out

No words can escape me

Silence is drowning my thoughts out

I don’t even hear my heart beat 

Or my breath

But I hear a voice 

yet not in my ears 

From within I hear Him

Claiming my hand 

“My Bride, My reward, My body, My child”

“Did I not say in all truth to you 

That you are in Me and I am in Him.

I love you and watch you 

And see your struggle 

Stop fighting and surrender

I can guide you through trials

I Am bigger than your trouble

And all your shortcomings

There is nothing that you need 

That I’m not providing

Look to Me come out of your bondage 

My Truth is your promise 

you just have to choose it

No sin or mistake is stronger than My Word

Give it to Me 

and be a part of My world.”

Snap back to my prison cell 

The gates are all open

There’s no one to guard 

And a new path is showing

I’ll take it

No matter how narrow it gets 

For I am in Jesus

And He’s my defense