Jo March

Lost Dreams

I think you have forgotten me 

Although I don’t know… 

Perhaps I have forgotten you

I have spent countless days

Bumping into white walls in nail piercing

Agony… trying to grope 

Find my way back to your fields of bluebells 

 

My hands and feet…

I don’t know if I can feel them anymore…

I have bent my head in attempts at prayer

Is there any use? 

And what do I need from you?

I don’t know if I can answer these questions 

Because you see, I can’t even help myself

 

Just tell me what you need from me

Then we can forever close that question

You see I am just a little lost person… 

And you? I still don’t know who you are exactly

I think you are someone radiant and beautiful

But I am too far away from you

And I am certain now… quite…

There are no white doors 

 

Even if there are…

I will not be able to open them

Anyway I don’t care anymore

But why are you looking at me like this?

Why? You don’t have to care… you don’t…

About this lonely lost soul of mine

It’s a strange being 

 

So many rains have washed over it

But what’s the use? 

It is still a dirty creature 

Desperately looking for cover

In recycled cardboard boxes in the rain

Nobody needs it…

It only made a few other souls happy 

 

Just leave me then and go

On your way… 

You don’t need to take care

Of this lost soul of mine

You never understood it anyway…

As for me I will light a candle 

To bury a runaway dream of mine 

 

I will let it go at last…

At long last I will feel free

Free from restless anxiety 

Anxiety that keeps me awake

At night and leaves gashes

Burgundy warm 

On my yet breathing being… 

 

I will let it go 

To fields of bluebells

And I am certain that my 

Lovely lost dream will make each

Azure bell ring… 

Fly I will tell it and find your home… yes

Find a home wrapped in violet petals

 

Somewhere in the ellipsis between

Beauty and truth… 

Then someone will shine a light

And I will see that my dream is safe

Happy and blessed by your warm hands

Then you can leave me forever 

Because you see I don’t deserve you

 

I will bless you as you leave me behind

You have been so blissfully kind to my soul

Unlike me you had faith… 

You always believed in my cartoon jungles

Drawn with broken pencils 

In all the colors of the rainbow… 

Yes you never stopped believing 

 

Even when I played in the dirt

Beside graffiti-stained buildings 

Or when I ran after shadows

And sleepwalked chasing sunrise like a ghost

Even when I broke windows with hailstones

For some reason you…

Well you never gave up on me

 

So give up on me now and let’s 

Let’s close this chapter…

You and I are… we are done…

Let them close the curtains 

And perhaps there is someone

In the crowd who deserves the care

You once bestowed on me…

 

Just give me your final cue…

I will make my bow…

An elaborate one, in this case…

Yes, because this is the end

I am letting you go 

To join another beautiful soul

A soul that believes in beauty and truth

 

I simply wanted to tell you 

Please forgive me… 

I didn’t mean to lose my dream… or you… 

This is my cue then

Let them scatter my cards all over 

Yes all over the blue lawn 

Let them… 

 

And I will learn to collect 

The milk drop by drop 

After all, I have just spilled it again

Then perhaps you will forgive me

One day… many years from now

And I promise… that I will try 

I will try not to lose myself completely

 

I just want to see your golden wings again

Please let me glimpse them once more

Then you can fly… I am letting you go

You can go far away and blend with the sunrise

Go… go… but I promise that I will faithfully draw 

Your cartoon jungles in hope that one day

Once more I would deserve to glimpse your shadow 

Your ageless shadow on my windowsill… 

Comments1

  • MendedFences27

    Parting with a love can be a trying and
    mournful experience. It tears a heart to pieces, without knowing if it will ever recover. It is difficult to say everything one feels in a few lines. you have given your innermost feelings a full venting here. Whatever is causing your pain I hope you find your way home.
    A vivid expression of the pain of parting. I felt it too. - Phil A.



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