A fool and his heart

A boy that was annoyed to his core

that kept a hidden secret between his eyes

hidden in his thoughts

that he had so many words

that was just left alone in their own special places

because of the feeling of ''Forget''

maybe that boy has finally decided that he just keeps lying

that he just so badly don't wanna hurt anyone in the result of himself

with words

with feelings

and his thoughts

all his weight upon his shoulder was nothing more

then the cause by himself

for being open and accepting more

like a kinded heart that helps and helps

like a priest in the confession boot

listening to all their sins

talking like he understand

talking like he had answers

but talked like he was empty

 

He

 

Was

 

Empty

 

With words that adapted depending on the person

telling them the truth while lying to himself

''why care I'll die anyway''

so care for others until that day come

but what happens when someone

so... so.... numb...

gets another chance of hope

get something so lovely he feels guilt

and

realises how much everything became so worth it

like dying alone means nothing

until you have someone because then it means everything

loosing memories when the circuit is outdated and burned

 

is

 

quite

 

scary

 

When a boy has lost himself

who got treated like an outsider

and

was used for peoples advantage

misleading the phrase ''friend'' from ''foes''

 

this is not a comedy but a tragedy

by a common liar of a boy that paid his sins

and got in the shit no one wanted

because it all piled up one by one

 

If he...

 

If he was not so weak in the inside

he could speak

 

 

 

 

If he was not such a coward

he could admit everything

 

 

 

 

 

If he wasn't in love

he wouldn't have the responsibility

to care and love

because it hurts to hear everything

words that might mean nothing one day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Experience is something the boy got

experiences that just want to be erased

but we learn from them

he only learned that no matter how much he hears

it can mean nothing at any point

and that everything he cared for

can be like a flower that loses all their pedals

calling it ''useless''

 

 

The boy didn't want to talk

because he already heard enough

he couldn't fix himself

but he could fix someone else

 

But he could only wish for silence

all the words

all the sounds

all the nights

all the days

all the times he could only wish

that he made someone proud

that it wasn't some pity words

that it wasn't some words just to make him feel better

 

Everything was empty for him

numb as he could have no reaction

all he could react with was made up from his mind

he never learnt how to feel like any other person

he behaved angrily when tired

he behaved kindly when awake

he behaved ignorantly when confused

and he behaved acceptably when understood 

 

 

 

This isn't a meaning against anyone

this is just a tired boy

that is tired to hear the sounds of a scared girl

that is tired to hear negative things of people

that is tired to talk about things of the past

just stop the sound

I just need time from all of it

just give me a place where I can stay

a day where I am free and just can hide to myself without worries

without worrying so bad

but just let the clock tick

while speaking to a sleep walker

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm tired

and I just want every sound to silence itself

I just wanna run and let myself be free

it hurts me not because of anyone

just because I can't manage myself

just because I am forced to admit to myself

 

That I'm not good enough

and

that I haven't changed at all

so sorry that I am like this

 

So many different emotions

first ready to write something

the second to feel irritated

and the third to accept and listen to the sounds of the scared

and the fourth feeling empty sad inside

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No matter what I do

I'm not happy

I should be happy

but I'm not

 

I feel annoyed by the second

and I don't want that

 

I want to protect but I do the same mistake

please stop this

please stop this

please stop this

please stop this

just please stop this

 

because my insanity drops more and more

the heart I had I was born without

doing more mistakes by my mind

then my heart

because I never used it

 

I feel more scared and worried

I feel like shouting out please be quiet

 

but I know that I can't

the sounds it won't stop

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The sounds of a scared girl at night

over a call that can never be uncalled

every night without rest

always have to be last so I can rest

 

staying overnight is not a do but a must

because of that I never have decent rest

I don't want to speak the truth to those I love

because I hurt them more so they hurt themselves

 

 

 

 

 

Times I wanna hang up the call

and

times I wanna stop reply

I just wanna escape but I can't

so don't ask my questions I hate

 

so run away

 

and

run away

 

 

 

so

 

far

 

 

I

 

 

 

 

 

Can

 

 

 

 

 

 

because

 

 

 

I

 

 

 

 

Don't

 

 

 

want

 

 

 

to

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

hear

it

from

you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

so as my last words

to one and oneself

I hate myself

for the person I am

and

not the person I was

because before I didn't know

but know I know

 

so sorry

if I said

something wrong...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sincerely D...