I laugh hysterically, roll on my bed, it’s oh three.
What is in my head, my life is great, so why do I feel such misery?!
I sit up on my bed, chuckle again, shake my head and go check the pantry.
I don’t know what gives; I don’t believe in regret because it does not change the past,
Yet I feel overwhelmed by regret tonight, chest is heavy, head rings, how much longer is this going to last?
I look back on the long, dark shadow of pain, broken promises and failures I’ve managed to cast.
I can’t stop laughing and smiling tonight thinking about all the times I dropped the ball;
A million times I messed up when one small choice lost it all.
As many times victory was at my fingertips only to be let go by one small call.
I know this crap is not worth thinking about, it isn’t going to make any difference.
And I know it isn’t stuff I have to thanks to God’s deliverance,
But there sure is not a whole lot to brag about in my innocence.
There
I pull my hair, punch a hole through my wall.
God may have created me with purpose, but ‘till I find it, there’s none to life at all.
And the worst of it, if I thought I was bad then, I don’t know how to stop my fall.
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Author:
JWKP98 (
Offline) - Published: July 19th, 2019 05:54
- Comment from author about the poem: I've been doing good for a couple years, but for years, I was in a moral decay and questioned my faith often. Despite my hatred of it, I struggled to stop it. I'm still on the rebound, but my faith is now strong, I know where I stand and I like to believe I'm a good person.
- Category: Unclassified
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Offline)
Comments1
I don't see us as being good in ourselves, but through Christ we are made righteous.
Do you mean moments, or times, of self-hatred here?
Read my posted comment? These feelings went away a couple years ago. I had moments of self hatred, but this is more about me feeling I was becoming someone I really did not want to be. I felt certain things were not wrong even though I knew they were. And I did a lot of bad things because of it. I felt I was continuing on a bad path because I did not FEEL it was wrong, but I KNEW it was all at the same time. Since then, I've recovered my convictions, strength and faith, but for quite some time I was doing a lot of bad things and being someone I did not want to be. Or even like. But this went away years ago. I wrote this poem during that time, though.
I see - thanks JW.
Of course. Thank you for your time and reading my poem!
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