swollen breakers

dusk arising

 

emerging from
the swollen breakers
upon weakened legs
she collapsed

sand!
nothing but sand
someone elses
bloody sand!

on the headland
a silhouette...  but
..he'd gone down
with the boat

it couldn't be
...it had to be
she began to run
and fell over

the air burned
past her face
before she heard
...a gunshot

  • Author: dusk arising (Offline Offline)
  • Published: September 13th, 2019 00:51
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views: 23
  • User favorite of this poem: sylviasearcher.
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Comments6

  • Neville

    Hard to beat a bullet
    Harder still to better these fine words... Damn good DA

    Neville

    • dusk arising

      Thanks Neville. But who shot and why?

    • Goldfinch60

      Amazing words d a.

      • dusk arising

        Thank you Goldfinch. I'm still exploring these succinct mystery pieces.

      • sylviasearcher

        I loved this one

        • dusk arising

          Plenty of space for you to embroider a story into this..... who shot and why? What boat? etc. Pleases me that you enjoyed it.

        • Fay Slimm.

          Wow - a story in five little stanzas and leaving me wanting more. Great stuff D.

          • dusk arising

            These mystery pieces are spur of the moment pieces. Loads of space to let my reader take this wherever they dare..... To be honest it would be so interesting if, instead of a straight review type comment as per usual here, i got a piece in return telling me how each reader had interpreted the bones of this piece.
            Pleased you liked this Fay.... wanting more?... come on... you have an amazing creative mind... i'd love to know where you think this would go next....
            P.S. i shan't be continuing it.

          • Andrew Charles Forrest

            You watching them late night films again DA?
            Great tension
            So many questions
            BRAVO!

            • dusk arising

              I can't watch those late night films. You'll find me hiding behind the settee.

            • Suresh

              My immediate thoughts went after the mystery that you laid out so romantically...
              The shot was obviously meant for her, because of the proximity...
              but why and by whom - a jilted lover or husband, for it couldn't be the one she was with, unless that was a ruse...

              • dusk arising

                It's a teaser. I have just been trying out a different approach in writing leaving the reader with a bit of a mystery..... hopefully involving several reads and allowing several possible plots to be created in the creative minds of readers here on MPS.

                Thanks for reading and commenting here. Always appreciate your comment.



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